Reserving judgement is a matter of infinite hope.

 from: The Great Gatsby

 by: F. Scott Fitzgerald

My Builder asked me ..."if you had a magic wand..what would you do...how would you wield it?"
The very first things that came to mind were...

Susan Seeley wouldnt be dead.
God would be 'Heavenly Father' again...
We would own a home....
and travel with the kiddo's.
My Builders back breaking work would pay off.
People in the world would be nice to each other.

I suppose, if I could possibly get item #2 straight in my mind, then maybe the rest of my "magic" would more easily fall into place...
But I cant...
God is unalterable and aloof and domineering. This life is a test. There is no cheating..and no outside help. God rules with an iron fist.  It is up to us to make the best with what we are dealt.

There is no magic wand.
Just ones' resolve...
and attitude.

They say that trials will either make ya or break ya...
The jury is still deliberating for me and about me on this one.

And at this juncture it looks as though we are going to take matters into our own hands.   At the risk of appearing selfish..wish is highly possible..and dare I say also appearing hopeless...my Builder and I are taking a new tact, we are taking control of our/my happiness.
I am heading South again. With my Builders blessing Im going back to my idea of paradise and hike once again for Desert Cliffs. I am giddy with excitement, and riddled with guilt. Im a mess.  I am determined to make the best of what we've been dealt..or with what has befallen us. 2 years in Logan has felt like 4...and its time to switch it up. Im too old to just make do.  Bless my GOOD Builder for getting it!!

For those of you who may now be concerned for my eternal welfare...please dont. I give God ALL due credit for ALL the blessings in my life. I do.  He is wiser and grander than I can begin to comprehend. I am grateful. But also hardened... and marred by life.  A  domineering "Father" has been  a hard pill for me to swallow right now. So I'll be looking for warmth, sunshine and fitness..both in body and spirit back in Southern Utah!!
Wish us/me luck.

"I will go forward. I will smile at the rage of the tempest,

and ride fearlessly and triumphantly across the 

boisterous ocean of circumstance, and the 'testimony

of Jesus" will light a lamp that will guide my vision 

through the portals of mortality."

-Eliza R. Snow***

2 nights ago I received a text from my daughter while they were out on a date at Sams Club.
The text said this: "David's not done with school till next December...just fyi."
(David has always said that he will be thru with school in May)
I wonder....
What were said daughters' motives in sending a text with this information?
Did she not want to witness my reaction?
Did she choose this method because she's chicken?
Or was it because the sight of tears in a grown woman, especially her mother would make her queasy?

I didnt respond to the text.  She experienced the sound of crickets in the night.

This is my official response:

YIPEE

you may insert assumed inflections, sarcastic sneers, and tone....whatever you feel applies...knowing me.

***Oh dear, dear Eliza...why cant I be blessed with one particle of your resolve and determination to make lemon bars from sour lemons!?!?

Final Day In Cally

Crying does not indicate that you are weak.
Since birth, it has always be a sign that you are alive.
from: Jane Eyre
by: Charlotte Bronte

We went to beach...and earnestly tired to make plans for the day. In California there are always numerous  possibilities.  But, truth be told...I was out of money.  Judy, as always, was more than generous, and was willing to fund me for as long as I would like.  Strangely though, it felt like it was time to go.  Common sense was saying go home. My heart and soul wanted desperately to stay.
Be that as it may...we still mulled the decision over for hours.
We walked.
We napped in the sun, and watched the ever-present surfers.
We took photos of phantasmagoric oceanside cairns.
And we mulled over the idea of leaving again.

But in the end we packed up Lola, again, with an additional 5 lbs of stray sand in the carpets,  and turned on the mystifying and inexplicable GPS to get us home.
And I cried.
Of course I cried.
I cried on the beach.
I cried in the Southern California traffic.

I mean really...how would it be to actually live in a place like Southern California?.... A place where every 5th car has a surfboard innovatively strapped to it.
Where flip flops can be comfortably worn every day of the year.
Where people dont seem as fixated on how you dress.  (not counting the very rich and famous...but they dont count...they dont hang at the same places.)
Where the sun always shines.

I guess I'll never know though...
California isnt on the list of places My Builder ever wants to live.

Because we did linger too long on the beach this day...we felt very tentative about driving too long into the night...we were beat.  We wanted to be safe and conservative in our travels, so we decided to stop for the night in Primm, Nevada.

If you blink you miss Primm, Nevada.

If you try to find a room, that's habitable, you have a choice of one.

Before hitting the hay we had a Chocolate milkshake in honor of National Chocolate Milkshake Day. (seriously)

And we slept.

The next morning we headed to St George for squeezes from grandbabies and to say hello to my folks and My Builders folks.

Then it was on to Orem.

Where I slept again

The next morning I was to head back to Logan.  I cried some more while saying good bye and thank you to Judy...and then again to David as I thanked him for letting me swipe Judy for the week...plus letting us take such a fine vehicle with us. 

And then I climbed into Clarks car to head North.  Clark was willing do drive me to Salt Lake where My Builder would meet us. (Clark knew he'd get a free lunch for his efforts. :-)

We had made plans to meet up with Joe and Natalie and their handsome boys for lunch too.

More kissing and hugging.

Then it was truly back to reality...life in Logan.

It was a marvelous adventure!!

I am blessed.

And grateful for the opportunity to travel.

Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.

from: The Fellowship of the Rings

by: J.R.R. Tolkien

TROUBLE IN THE TERRESTRIAL KINGDOM

(OR ...A SHORT REVIEW OF MY WEEK)

Gravity...the movie...a joy ride!! Trouble in the outer atmosphere! An intense and stunningly beautiful journey. 

Our front yard looks like a bomb went off...as it indeed did...a bomb named Raymond. Raymond the well intentioned but inept landlord. My Builder could write a book about this mans ineptitude in home improvement projects. The front yard will never be the same. Never.

Money .. a quote from my last Sunday School lesson..."I dont like money actually, but it quiets my nerves."  My nerves could stand some calming.

BEN HAD A COOKIE AT CHURCH!!! A cookie made with white flour. oh my

We made grand plans to start putting in some food storage again. There are lists.   Im doing my part by collecting 5 gallon buckets from work. I have plenty of buckets...but nothing yet to put in them.  

Logan had a 3.6 earthquake this week. I missed it.  Anna...my worry wart...did not.  

My Builders elbows and shoulders  are complaining.  Repetitive work is tough.

The government shut down has come and gone. I didnt notice a thing.  Utah saved its own prime resources...and opened up our 4 National Parks, with our 'own money." When there's a will, there's  a way.  Maybe Parks should privatize?  

Storm windows have gone up and new functioning weather stripping has been installed. (note above- about a bomb named Raymond) Battening down the hatches represents impending doom.

The last raspberries have been harvested from the garden.

So long to short sleeves..not because its getting cold...but because I now officially have saggy skin hanging from  my arms.  Im definitely struggling  towards old age.

There was such an incredible logic to kissing,

such a metal-to-magnet pull between two 

people that it was a wonder that they found

the strength to prevent themselves from 

succumbing every second.  Rightfully, the world

should be a whirlpool of kissing into which we

sank and never found the strength to rise up again.

from: Bel Canto

by Ann Patchett

Love is in the air....
Autumn is as well.

One of these things causes me joy,
The other...a sinking feeling of dread and despair would be a more accurate description.
A surprise visit and our first frost all in a few short days.
Can you guess which one is which?

My youngest and his beautiful girlfriend warmed my heart...
It was a wonderful thing to return from the alley where I was hauling empty cardboard boxes in the recycling dumpster, to see Bri and Mericar sitting in booth #1 just waiting to see my reaction to their secret trip to Logan.
I reacted positively....big hugs and smiles all around!!

The visit was way to short...but beggars cant be choosers...so Im grateful for anything at all.
We chilled, we went to church together and ate yummy meals. They harvested goodies from the
garden..took a leisurely stroll in the canyon around the reservoir  and caught up on some much needed sleep.
Perfect for them.
Perfect for me.

Bless them for making time to come up.
May they be blessed in their school and work and with the process of  becoming even better acquainted
with one another.

Peace my friends.

This Is How My Week Looked

There came a time, he realized, when the strangeness of everything

 made it increasingly difficult to realize the strangeness of anything.

from: Lost Horizon

by: James Hilton

(I wish this was the scene at our house)

The mailbox that hangs by our front door contained a water bill.  A water bill so exorbitantly high that it was cause for serious alarm.  A hole was dug...to investigate.  Come to find out that there is a leak...leak is the wrong word..for that suggest a dripping...a small giser might describe it better...from the main water line to the house. It became the city's problem.  But alas..it seems to be my problem still..for it still spouts water into an unseen underground stream somewhere.  The city has done nothing but put up an orange barrier around the hole and have not returned to repair it.  The tree hugger in me is fuming.  So much water wasted.  100s of thousands of gallons!! And I see no way to stop the madness!!

The  sweet boss lady at work called me the sexiest waitress in the joint.  I know shes lying. (that would be a sad state of affairs if she werent)  But she loves me.  And of course there is a part of me that wants to believe her.

Today's Sunday School lesson gave me fits. (I suppose they all will)  Todays topic was Baptisms for the Dead.
Ugh
But I suppose it'll be a walk in Merlin Olsen Park compared to the lesson coming up in 2 weeks.  The subject matter ... The martyrdom of Joseph Smith.  (Did I already tell you that I dont enjoy the Doctrine and Covenants?) Teaching is even harder than I imagined it would be.

I'm back to the point that I'll give up food before I'll give up my beloved Pepsi. And I often do.  For so long...when I was on the wagon...I would tell people and myself that I didnt want to drink my calories. Well you woulnt recognize me now...as I blissfully guzzle them down now.

Its been quite a few years since I've done any water bath canning.  This week  I bottled some delicious apricots.  They'll help this winter to be a little brighter.  Thats the hope anyway.  They already make me happy, just lined up there on the counter.

The semi-annual Man vs Grill took place this week at Center Street Grill.
There was barfing.
And there were a couple of "winners."
Are you really a 'winner' of you can shove down a 3 1/2 pound burger in less than 45 minutes?
You decide.
I got to clean up.
ps- the grill wins ...the majority of the time.

My Builder promised me a puppy.
But I can't remember how long he said I'd have to wait.

How do you spell T-E-N-S-E?
There is rabbit food news.  There are several very hopeful prospects and possibilities for improvements.  But I cant talk about them....for I 'get too emotional.'  Maybe after it becomes old news I can then discuss it with My Builder. Maybe then My Builder and I can talk again.  The same thing goes for conversing about the future....I 'get too emotional.'  So we dont talk about that either.  What do we talk about?  The promise of puppies and our beautiful grands. That'll do.

More hot flashes.
Less sleep.

WEST WING..out new favorite tv series.  Plus there is no need for talking. We watch, we laugh, we learn. Not a bad deal.  Thank you good actors and writers for such a great show!

Im reading again!!  Im halfway through a wonderful book. Its the one I was carrying around in my purse for so long.  Its a treat.  And all you readers out there have undoubtedly read it already...The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society...(quite a mouth full.)   I can now   check # 15 off the below list.  Whew.

Not a bad week my friends.
Peace

....life is much bigger than we give it credit for, and much of

the time its harder than we would like.  It's a package deal,

though. Sometimes our mouths stay open with exhaustion,

and our souls and minds do too, with defeat, and that saggy

opening is what we needed all along.  Any opening leads to

the chance of flow, which sometimes is the best we

can hope for,  and a minor miracle at that....

from: The Poisonwood Bible

by: Barbara Kingsolver

Tonight, for some inexplicable reason , the cool breeze that blows through my beat up window screen  at the head of my bed, which in turn causes the crusty window blind to tap quietly against the sill, is striking a tender cord in me and might just cause me to weep.

Surprisingly, it was "hot" today in Logan.
The temps may have risen as high as 90 degrees.

At the risk of stating the obvious..again...I dont mind the heat.

So these emotions that I feel tonight are surprising, even perplexing.  I may never understand why a breath of  cool air...air that smells surprisingly sweet here in June...would bring tears of joy to my eyes. Cool breezes usually cause me to whine.

It's got to be hormones right?!
But maybe its gratitude?
It could be gratitude.

Today I felt my bones thawing.  Yep...it finally happened...at the end of June.

Or maybe its feelings of romanticism...
There are crickets chirping
The leaves are in a flurry outside in the dark.
The whistle in the screen is comforting...like the sound of waves or a teapot squeal.
The ceiling fan is purring and Im tucked away in our cozy room in our new home....

Maybe its because it dawned on me tonight that Im no longer racked with extreme fatigue after work.  Im toughening up...or the extra person that comes in for the lunch rush really does make all the difference??  Whatever the reason for my feelings of resilience , Im grateful Im no longer dead tired when I get home in the afternoon.

And here's yet  another likely explanation for my emotional reaction to an evening breeze...
I feel great happiness and gratitude at the prospect that this could be the night that a pair of excellent parents may be welcoming a new little boy to their family and home tonight.  Yep, Grand #9 is due any moment...and I suspect it could be tonight.

So...maybe you're thinking what Im thinking...that the billowing of my emotions tonight had not much of anything to do with cool breezes and rustling winds...

I think I  may have a grateful heart...
for many reasons...
and that's been an unfamiliar feeling for me for a while...

It  feels  good.

Night Night....and sweet dreams....

No pang that is suffered by man or woman

upon the earth will be without its compensating

effect..if it be with patience.

-James E Talmage

Yes...we're moving.
I wish it was us returning to St George...or that we were going to California or better yet, to Mexico. But alas, we are moving just a few blocks away.  We're staying in Logan..where its almost June and yet it's still feeling like November.  8 months of cold weather is for the birds.  (No...thats wrong...cause birds can fly south, and far away from here.)  Last night, and tonight, it'll be cold enough to see our breath.
May June bring warmth..real warmth I pray.

But I  find encouragement  that this move means progress.  A little bit of progress. Now the Sherwoods and the Stephensons are combining forces, in both business and in residence, and are now  moving into a  spacious rental home together.  We'll have plenty of room there, and a lovely backyard to stretch our legs and to till and tend to.

We move in on the 10th of June. But we have already gone over and planted a wee herb garden out back amongst the weeds, and My Builder and Ben have weeded the long neglected sandbox together.  Anna is anxious to do some 'nesting' before baby boy #2 arrives in July, so she's highly motivated to get this moving process started.

Everyday I bring home boxes from work, that hopefully dont smell too much like day old beer battered onion rings, and pack a few things that I wont need between now and the move. You'd think this would be a piece of cake for me...we only moved here to Siberia just a year ago...(though it seems much longer.)   Honestly, I havent accumulated  new 'stuff' in that short amount of time. I promise.  Maybe a few books and some plants have joined us???
But there are already more boxes lining the walls of this apartment than I thought possible.
Sigh
Moving is never easy work.

The plan is to enjoy the new digs for about a year.
David graduates from Graduate School next spring.
But whats not being said...at least out loud...
whats no longer being promised is the immediate vacating of this God forsaken place the day after he's done...
"These things take time, " is what Im hearing.
Moving fast around here is a foreign concept...
Patience

Patience

Patience
.....on so may levels.

Meanwhile:
Pray that The garden doesnt freeze tonight...and yes..its a real possibility.
Pray for me...that I wont have to send back yet another unwanted BBQ Bacon Ranch Burger to the kitchen where they'll roll their eyes and wonder why I "dont get it right the first time."
Pray for me...that I can find the restraint to stay off Tumblr for more than a day.
And most importantly...pray that I can find my writing  "voice" again. I lost it  in last years  move. Hopefully as  I pack up again, I'll discover my 'voice'  behind the toaster or in an old shoe box. I need to communicate again. Being 'holed up' in our dingy little apartment has swallowed up a lot of things about me.  So its time to shake off the grumpiness and funky cobwebs and begin again!

Here's hoping a few extra rooms and a lawn of our own will help to inspire...plus an evolving rabbit food business too!!

Einstein couldnt bear the notion that God could create a

universe in which some things were forever unknowable.

Moreover, the idea of action at a distance-that one part-

icle could instantaneously influence another trillions of

miles away-was a stark violation of the special theory

of relativity.  This expressly decreed that nothing could

out race the speed of light and yet here were physicists 

insisting that, somehow, at the subatomic level, information

could.  (No one, incidentally, has ever explained how the

particles achieve this feat.  Scientists have dealt with this 

problem, according to the physicist Yakir Aharanov, "by

not thinking about it.")

from: A Short History of Nearly Everything

by: Bill Bryson

Tonight is one of those nights when I want to scream and cry and pummel my pillow to a pulp.
Today I was remembered by one of my dear Southern Utah hiking companions.
Its still so incredibly painful to remember what I have lost.

Tomorrow will be better.
The sun will shine.  I will meet new people at The Grill. I'll pack boxes here at home. And I'll keep hoping for a promising future.

But tonight Im clenching my teeth and trying not to wake My Builder with my grief.

.

“Sugar, it's no parade but you'll get down the street

 one way or another, so you'd just as well throw 

your shoulders back and pick up the pace.”

from: The Poisonwood Bible

by:  Barbara Kingsolver

When I started looking for a job here in Logan..I thought I would enjoy a waitressing job. I enjoy people. Im happy to help and serve others.  So I was very pleased and even a little excited when Steph, my boss, took a risk in hiring me, the old lady with no experience in food services.

It didn’t take long… in fact it was probably only a few hours before I began to question my sanity and my abilities.  My first days as a waitress/busboy/ peoples slave had me wondering whether you really do have to be cute, young, and blonde to receive good tips and have stamina enough to carry on.  I was discouraged to say the least when the young, experienced waitresses around me stuffed their pockets with more cash than I each night when they headed home.   BUT…now after a few months of being in the trenches,  I have learned…that the critical word here is experience.  It truly is more important to be sincere, confident,  efficient and relaxed as you work to get the expected tips.  Its not so much about how cute you are. (not so much…but it tips the scales in ones favor  Im sure.)

I have a good smile.  People like that.  They tell me so.  I look people in the eye. I try to connect with each guest, and I am rewarded  more often than not with generous tips.  Though I still have to remind myself that tips are NEVER predictable. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to how much one can make in any given day. Some days its only  loose change thrown in the tip bucket, and other days its 5 dollar bills.  Low cut shirts, good hair days, sporting  blue or purple company t-shirts doesnt seem to have the slightest effect on  one days success and another days famine.  There are  days I come straggling home with a lousy 20 bucks for my 8 hours of hard labor and other days when my apron pocket bulges with a wad of ones and fives equaling a whopping 50 bucks.  I scratch my head in wonder why some days people are generous and other days they are not. Its another one of lifes many mysteries.

I have felt all along that God directed me into Center Street Grill’s  parking lot last August…the voice in my head that said, ‘pull in and see if they are hiring” was convincing.  Steph was there that day and I felt we hit it off.  I am grateful for her  willingness to give me a try and for her patience as she has trained me.    But now in the spirit of honesty..I must confess that there are too many times that I ask myself what it is I’ve done.  Why do I subject myself to this drudgery? Im smart, I have skills and abilities beyond mopping and washing , stocking shelves and making milkshakes.  I constantly ask myself why Im doing this type of work.   (I know I’d be happier there if I could strictly waitress.  If I could just be out on the dining room floor serving the guests, life at the Grill would be more tolerable for me then.)  Its when Im in the back rooms..washing dishes and cleaning nasty bathrooms that I become so discouraged.   But  I was hired to do it all.  And that’s what I do. And so I often sulk and grumble under my breath..or cry into the dishwater wishing I was hiking and soaking up the St George sunshine and not beating my feet into a state of unrecognizable pain and discomfort.  That’s the truth of it. 

Steph is amazing.  There are people on this planet who love being in the restaurant business. And Steph is one of them.  She loves to cook for people and to concoct new menus and to greet each person that comes through her doors. She is passionate about her food and its freshness and presentation.  She is also appreciative of me and what I contribute to her restaurant. I know I am valued.  And so I stay.  The idea of  leaving and having to find a different job and  learn the ins and outs of it are inconceivable to me right now.  The stress of it all would take me down  completely.

So Im putting up with the mountains of dishes that need washing before I can clock out at the  end of the day. I put up with hauling the garbage bags that weigh more than one of my grands to the dumpsters in the back alley. ( Though I have learned to turn a blind eye to the heavy 5 gallon drums of mayo that should be hauled to the cooler, for I refuse to throw out my back at such work.) I mop, I scour and scrub baseboards and walls and machines, all of which are covered with grease and grim that will soon cover them all again by the very next day.  And for the most part no one notices the things that need cleaning  but me.  Greasy fingerprints on windows and doors  always need wiping away but I find teenage kids for hire turn a blind eye to those things as  I suppose as I do to the heavy lifting.

And so  I stay.

I do the work.

I feel  a sense of loyalty there.

And Im tired.

I don’t want to cook or clean when Im home.

I fear my feet may never recover from this abuse.  There are no breaks while Im there. I cant sit and relax for even a moment.  Concrete floors seem to be my downfall.  They are ever so much worse than sand and rocks and trails.

Im determined to stick it out at this job for a while longer.  I guess for as long as it takes.  I try to feel grateful for the work.  I’ll stay until My Builder has built his rabbit food empire. 

God sent me there.  Im not sure why.  But I stay because I do believe I was directed there for whatever purpose..or purposes.  It just isn’t time yet to quit.  But as soon as Im able... Im outta there and never looking back.  Saying ta ta  wont be difficult at all. 

Peace 

Good communication is as stimulating as black

coffee and just as hard to sleep after.

from: The Gift of the Sea

by: Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Prayer- truly my nemesis

What is prayer?
I talk to God a lot. Isnt that praying?
Certainly He knows the intentions of my heart.
I "pray" when its beautiful.
I "pray" when an ambulance speeds by.
I "pray" when good things happen...saying thank you.
I "pray" when Im weak. (for example, when the Pepsi at the Grill smells exceptionally divine.)
I "pray" in bed in the morning, before I will my creaking bones out of bed. (hoping for a good day at work; that customers will be generous with their tips. That I will be personable and not make too many mistakes......)
I "pray" when friends share their troubles on facebook.
I "pray" during a good cry...that I can have patience and peace.
Is this prayer?
God knows my intentions...


I read about a man—who spent an hour with God every morning. Sometimes he talked to God for five minutes, and listened to God for fifty-five minutes; other days he talked for fifty-five minutes and listened for five. It depended on how much he had to say. But that last five minutes was sacred: he always listened for at least five minutes.  I should do something similar: instead of so many words, when I pray, I should spend at least a little while just listening.

Sunday Rant

...in the last several years my life had begun to

feel shapeless, like underwear with the elastic

gone, the days down around my ankles.

from: Three Dog Life

by: Abigal Thomas

So this is my life... most of the time I make the best of the situation...usually my glass is always half full.
My son is marrying the Perfect girl for him...
I put geraniums by my front door..
 Mrs Bennett and her downy sisters are growing right before our eyes!
Old time farmers here in town are swearing that winter wont arrive here this year until after Christmas.

 BUT...in reality..
my front door is a pathetic entrance; Im glad you cant see the  light fixture..
 I now abhor 1" blinds,
 the color of the building should be band from God's color wheel,
 and we are surrounded by terrible wood chips.)
 I also  think Old Time Farmers tell lies!! This week the temps dropped to the mid 20's!! Liers!!!
 I no longer even recognize my own body..its gone soft and weak. Im sure Old Main Hill would now take me down.
 I miss my boys.
Im a Relief Society President...and should be behaving like an adult.
I miss my former life.
I meet wonderful folks from all over the country..who are enjoying fabulous road trips to places like Jackson Hole, Yellowstone and St George. Our conversations reduce me to tears most times..(I wash the dirty soda cups when this happens. We have VERY clean soda cups.)
Oh how I long for a road trip..or even the possibility of a road trip.)

 And then there was last Sunday's phenomenon.
 I woke up convinced I'd play hooky from church. I didnt have any responsibilities that day. I wouldnt be missed. And yet, I ended up dressed and ready to go. ..and I went. out of habit I suppose. I had tithing in hand to turn over  to the bishop. 10% of my hard earned tip money..a wad of ones mostly. I suppose I had people to see and had people that needed to see me..( I know that may sound strange..but example is a powerful thing.) And now I find myself trying to analyze my behavior..my motives. I'd like to learn...and I'd love to wax profound. (though I dont think it'll happen this time.)

 Im sad.
 You can see that.
My hiking spa is hiring..and its autumn in St George. (a glorious time to be in Zion)
 My hair dryer broke...it literally went up in flames.
The sun shines...but I rarely get to partake..for Im indoors working.
 The dress I wore Sunday is the same dress I made and wore some 15 yrs ago.
 Im tired and would love to sleep in...but I cant, for my brain seems to now be programmed to wake up early.
My body feels old.
And yet I still go to church. FOR THREE HOURS!

 BUT TODAY... Today.... we get to stay in our cozy, comfortable clothes and watch General Conference from the comfort of our own homes and soft couches. Blessed tender mercies! If you are interested..click and watch along with me!!   Happy Sunday to you!!!

On the macro scale, I perceive what physicists tell us

is true on the micro: Even in chaos there is order,

purpose, and strange meaning that invites- but often

thwarts -our investigation and our understanding.

from: Odd Thomas

by: Dean Koontz

 Any ideas on what to do with Spaghetti Squash!! We have a few!!!

I cant believe its already been a week since we harvested and canned tomatoes!! Today we arent even going to think about tomatoes!   Our garden is producing like crazy...but the weather is really cooling down at night, so I think its slowing things down out there a little.  Whew!!

10 baby ducks are supposed to be delivered some time this week!  Its amazing what can be shipped through the postal service.  Cant wait to meet them.

My job...makes me feel my age.  Additionally...Im gaining weight..which I hate!!  I work harder than I have in many years...and Im gaining weight!! The food we serve is too tempting and all around me!! Im so exhausted at the end of my shift that I can barely pedal home...My Builder comes and rescues me more often than not and throws my bike in the back and drives me home, where I collapse on the bed and cant move while my feet throb and ache.  Poor pitiful me. (not really)  Im grateful for the work and I enjoy the people I work with.  I just need to toughen up and stop EATING!!!   PS- Im so very grateful for the restorative power of sleep!! I sleep like a baby and can get up the next morning feeling fit enough to take on another day at The Grill!!

My Church job...it keeps me hopp'in.  This week we had what is called Enrichment meeting. It was a wonderful success..due to the committee chairs and their creativity.  Lots of ladies showed up and we had a marvelous time playing 'get to know' you games..which we desperately need.  The names of all the women are beginning to stick. Whew


My family....seems to be getting along just fine without me.  Which of course is a good thing.  Brian is enjoying his first semester of college and ROTC.  I think ROTC is his favorite time of the week though. I've proof-read a paper from both Brian and Rob...and am so happy to help.  Joe is stick'in to the hard things too...he's still attending his early morning (7:00am) class and all the others! Plus, he's looking  for a different part time job...Walmart stocking wasnt working for him!! Clark's class load isnt for the faint hearted and he seems to thrive with the challenge; plus doing what he can to keep sweet Jenna happy and interested. Ahhh..to be young again!!!

Extracurricular activities- I spend too much time on facebook, more than I probably should. I'm the 'marketing specialist' for  Sherwood Forest and now for The Center Street Grill, and for Rob and Utah Mortgage!! I really enjoy the challenge and the research process.  I think I may be making a real difference and that feels good!!  (The Center Street Grill gig is a paying venture!!)
I havent read  a whole book in weeks. sigh.  I fall asleep.
Its so hard to get to the Temple. sigh.  I fall asleep.
This is the first 'writing' I've done in weeks. I'm too tired and lack inspiration...
speaking of which...
Where is my inspiration? Is it in the dishwater at work? Is it in the shake machine that splatters shake matter across the front of my turquoise T-shirt no matter how hard I try to not have it happen?  Is it in the fry sauce squirt bottles that seem to have mysterious vacuum- like void at their bottoms, for they never stay full!!??  What do people do with all the fry sauce!!!??? Do they fill their pocket with it, or are they emptying it into their  to-go mugs to take it home to their kids? Im quite sure we go through at least a gallon of the stuff a day!! No kidding!!! (It's a secret recipe....maybe folks are smuggling it out and taking it to a lab for testing....)  Can my inspiration be found in the lonely old men who come in every single morning for their coffee, biscuts and gravy with hashbrowns?  As I evesdrop...with great descression...I hear them talking about the same things, complaining about the same things, and am filled with mixed emotions.  Some of them are as sweet as can be..and are quick with a hello and a generous tip...and we love them. And some of them are as grouchy as cats with their hairs bent back!...and they are so much more difficult to love;  instead I feel I want to lecture them on attitude adjustments!!  Needless to say..inspiration seems to be in short supply around here lately.

Sweet Anna spent way too many hours on the couch with me last night..helping me to figure out how to  'slurp' my first year of my blog into book form. It looks like I may have to rob a bank in order to pay for such a treasure between two covers...for we are only half way through it ...and we are up to 50 plus pages of pictures and my ramblings. But..it feels like a worthwhile project and would be money well spent. Im up to   wiping down, and clearing a lot more tables. I can wash more spoons and greasy floors and tolerate the grouchy old men...and some disagreeable  young folks too, for such a treasure!!! I will grovel for tips!!
Its been so fun going back and remembering 2007!!!  Check it out if you'd like to see what Im talking about!

Hope your weekend is delightful friends!!

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Sabbath Reflections and Work

My advice is to drink plenty of tea. It wont reduce

your urges, but in my experience its hard to contemplate

 doing anything really beastly while drinking tea.

from: The Wedding Officer

by: Anthony Capella

Its occurred to me that I  need to now work harder at having gratitude in  my heart.
I've always had cause to be grateful and, I've also come to understand that compared to many, gratitude comes easily for me.
But these last few months have been a rather difficult  trial and much different in circumstance for me.
Before Logan, everyday was a gift, and everyday was spent out doors gathering coral dust between my toes, in Gods' great land of Southern Utah.  Everyday I was out reveling in the beauty  that millions of folks have to pay big bucks to come and see.  Every day I was in places where people vacationed. And every day I was there sharing what I knew and loved about the area  and was experiencing the awe and wonder that is always found in the Southern Utah deserts!
Everyday I would climb a peak and utter a prayer of gratitude for the magnificent surroundings that God created for our enjoyment. It was also a prayer of thanks for my job and my healthy body that got me to the top.

Now everything is very different.  Different in so many ways.
Now my gratitude dosent come as spontaneously.  Now I need to work at finding moments of gratitude in my heart.  In fact..I see now that I have gone days...too many days in fact, without being grateful for much of anything.  Pitiful.
But dont get me wrong. I know I am blessed.  I have many, many dear blessings.
Im just saying that I cant remember the last time I got all warm and fuzzy and turned my face heaven ward and gave thanks for much of anything.

I know Im blessed to have a job.
I have a dear woman as my boss.
I enjoy the company of the head cook.
People that come in are generally kind and often generous in their tips.

Im just saying...there have been no moments that have taken my breath away...something which I had grown accustomed to in St George. I have yet to be reduced to tears of gratitude by the beauty of it all...instead Im overwhelmed by the spills that need wiping up and the dishes that need washing or all the sticky shakes that need mixing.

And yet I still find that I do come home fulfilled....because I know I've gone the extra mile, I've given 110%. I've been able to leave the place better than when I arrived.  I have an apron pocket  bulging with ones and a few fives from the good tippers.  I've smiled at those that wont smile back, no matter how I try.
And even though I sometimes feel that I cant learn all that needs to be learned...at least as fast as they'd like me to learn...I do believe Im already an asset to the place and that  my boss is happy she hired me.

In some ways I think it may be much harder work than hiking ever was.  There is not a moment in my day now where I sit down and take a load off.  8 hours on my feet is tough...maybe its cause Im not wearing my Keens??!!  I feel much more tired at the end of the day than I ever did, even after a 15 mile hike!  This is due in part Im sure to the stress of learning something new and the fast, fast pace that is expected in serving people hot and ready food.  I expect that at some point the stress will be reduced as I learn and I will feel better about my ability to 'keep up.'

Waking up in the morning to go hike was a whole different feeling than I now experience as I pedal my way to work now.  I have a strict routine to follow before the 'open' sign is turned on in the  morning. There is order and expectations to fulfill that didnt come with greeting guests and getting ready for a good hike.

So yes...this is my Sunday confession. I miss my daily quota of gratitude moments and I miss hiking with amazing people and friends.  And here's to working a little harder to find those moments here, at home and at the diner.  Moments where I can spontaneously thank God for my many blessings and for this amazing world He and His Son created for us!

Seek freedom and become captive to your

desires.  Seek discipline and find your liberty.

from: Dune

by: Frank Herbert

 Its amazing what one can find in the dumpsters in an apartment complex! I think this may be a treasure...depending on what I can do with it to make it mine...creatively speaking that is...any ideas?! Bri has a great one..Im just wondering what anyone thinks I could or should do with this!!? I think it cool!!!

 Sweet Anna fixed her dad his favorite meal for his birthday...Lasagna!! And this is even better..'cause its make with squash instead of noodles! We have squash coming out of our ears here in the garden, and there is no better way to eat it than to smother it with cheese and tomato sauce!! Yum!!! (notice her cute table that she and David and My Builder helped her to create too!! darling!!!)

 Anna also somehow tempted her brothers and Jenna up to Logan to help celebrate My Builders birthday! It was so fun to have them for  24 hours and to go to church together!!  Love these people!! So very much!

 And yes..this is real! This is indeed a tomato grown in our garden! We are going to be canning tomatoes this weekend I think!! Plus..they are as delicious as they are big and beautiful!! We are lucky!! We are grateful!!

Baby Benjamin is almost 7 months old...and this weekend he's experiencing his first bout with the common cold! And Im here to tell you its much harder on his parents than it is on him!  He's a trooper!

And...this is where I have spent the vast majority of my time this week...and will be from here on out. Its not red rock, and Im not gathering coral dust...instead I come home covered in dishwater stains and ketchup smears. My feet ache...but its not the same as that fabulous pain after a hike.  Im meeting good people, and I love being busy and working.

Om began to feel the acute depression that steals

over every realist in the presence of an optimist.

from: Small Gods

by: Terry Pratchett

Its true...that every day we learn and grow.  At least it seems that I do..sometime at a frantic clip.
Let me tell you today about what I've learned about myself as I go through the agony of job hunting.
With every job interview or with every application sent out I find my hopes rising and my imagination getting the best of me. Its so easy for me to imagine myself working at each establishment  I apply to.  I quickly begin to believe that  I would be a good asset to the business and even begin thinking about what I could do to improve the place! I map out the bike route I could take to get to work and wonder what clothes I own that would be appropriate to wear at each place.
In other words, I get my hopes up every time!!
And then..the call comes, the email is sent, or the crickets chirp through the silence and all the 'dreaming' is for naught.
Why do I do this to myself each and every time!!??
Why am I this way?
Im an optimist- even when I have no cause to be.
Everyone knows (but me) how tough it is to land a job...any job... in this day and age.
And yet tomorrow...I'll find another lead..and follow it....and get my hopes up.
I guess it'll happen every time...until I hear the happy words, "You're hired!!"
My optimism seems to be endless-
and yet my skin isnt as thick as I thought.
sigh

Hitting the trail once again...without the pleasure of gathering coral dust between my toes. (my toes miss that very much.)
Peace friends.  I thank you all for your encouraging words and your prayers in my behalf!

"Why did you do all this for me?" he asked.

"I dont deserve it. I've never done anything

for you."    "You have been my friend," replied

Charlotte.  "That in itself is a tremendous thing."

from: Charlotte's Web

by: E.B. White

Monday was a busy day for us here in Logan.
My welcome mat has been out for a few months now...I bought a prickly new one the first week we got here.
And I can count on one hand the visitors we've enjoyed up to now.
Monday changed all that.  We had lots and lots of visitors...compared to the previous 3.
And with everything else lately, it was lesson for me in humility. (boy oh boy I must have needed a hard core lesson in this principle!)
This was the first time family  has been here to see where we now live.  So the character building continues... on and on and on.  I just love being the object lesson of the haves and then the have nots.
Im reminded, by others better than myself, that its really not a bad place where we now live and lay our heads, which I suppose is very true.  This is not about the bricks and mortar and wood chips and.......................never mind.
But... once again, this is about my attitude, which apparently needed some adjusting...and Monday was the first real test.
Dear family coming by, because they were in town, to say hello, to see the garden that they've heard so much about and seen pictures of, and to see the mill and how to make rabbit food;  and they would have to admit to some curiousness about our place of residence too.
And its over and done and I survived and passed the test.  (I honestly considered meeting them all down town.)
I got through with only a small amount of discomfort, which was all in my head and had nothing to do with our dear visitors, who were and are gracious beyond compare.
So hopefully no one but me were disturbed too much by my painful lesson in humility. Not too many groans, and wails and sighs escaped my lips this time.
Here's hoping I dont strain a muscle patting myself on the back.  What I need to do is love my family even more for being as awesome and kind as they all are!!
They showed me!!!

 Brent and Kelly being shown how the rabbit food is packaged. (and yes...we are always under construction! Which is a good thing!!) Progress!!

 Monday's orders ready to go to the post office.  They travel from sea to shining sea!!

 Meet Lester, the new addition to the mill!! He needs to hurry up and GROW!! We have a mouse problem...and his mission is to solve it!!!  Jace thinks hes adorable, which he is. (both of them are really.)

 Lauren and Jace, Lester and Wallace the lop eared rabbit.  Both live at the mill.  And now Jace would like to live there too.  I wish I could capture the antics these two critters... that are normally sworn enemies, can get themselves into together!! I think they are happy to have each others company.  And yes, now Lauren wants a bunny of her own and Jace wants a kitty that'll never grow up!!

 Lester the mouse molester

with blue eyes to boot!! 

 Mom and Dad were the next to arrive in town...and get the tour of the mill. They too were impressed.

 My dad wanted to go by and see if the house he helped his dad build 53 years ago was still standing. And it was!!!  Dad has good memories of Logan and the few years he spent here in high school.

My mom was blown away by the big beautiful trees here in Logan!! We do have some very impressive specimens!! I too am in awe by many of them.  This one  is in my favorite park.  I had to take her by to see it!  


So come and see us friends and fam.
I have learned that I can handle it!!


.

Sabbath Musings

Im not a celebrity. Im not the child of a celebrity.  I have

never been married to, never been abused by, and never

provided a kidney for transplantation into any celebrity.

Furthermore, I have no desire to be a celebrity.

from: Odd Thomas

by: Dean Koontz

maryjean: secretary extraordinaire! me, Karin

It looks as though I still have new skills to hone.. Whoopee for me!! It seems that Heavenly Father wont let cobwebs form in this aging mind.  I have more stretching, growing and discomfort in store for me. Not only has looking for jobs here in Logan caused some anxiety, it now looks as though my mind will get some sharpening as I go to church each Sunday too.  I have received a new calling (job, responsibility, stewardship) in church.  They (the bishopric) just asked me to serve as the Primary Secretary.  Thats another new challenge for me!
(We have been successful in lying low  for a few months. I think the members here have been wondering if we are for real, or just flighty, transient dodgers!! Well no more!!
Im not sure yet what is involved with this new responsibility. I assume its  things like roll taking, scheduling, keeping track of pertinent dates, ie  -keeping track of 8 yr olds and baptism dates, birthdays cards, going to meetings of course, plus oodles of paper work.
I do know that the secretary I was privileged to served with  when I was Young Women's President was invaluable to me and our organization.  She kept me informed, dealt with the Stake and the information they sent out at regular intervals. She  was also full of creative ideas, and was a spiritual giant!! She kept me on my toes!!!
May I rise to the occasion, I pray.
  What better way to become acquainted and involved in this new ward of ours. Working and serving the younger children, 3-11 yr olds, could and should be quite enjoyable. (May I banish the memory of the 11 yr old boys reducing me to tears my very first time serving  in a Primary capacity, about 28 yrs ago.)  I now have thicker skin, more experience with children, and a much better sense of humor!! How can I now take what kids say and do so personally, which is what I must have done back then?  Raising my own kids, and having been through teenage-hood must have by now broken me down to a state of gooey putty! Plus...now Im a Mimi!! Silly Putty is a good thing and I like me that way!!
Please let  me know what you think it takes to be a good secretary!! Im open to suggestions!
Do I need a steno pad
or the know how to make great coffee?  te he
or maybe
a great big notebook and some computer skills,
a willing heart, and remembering that our church is a record keeping church will suffice.
Wish me luck friends!!