But the secrets of the river, he saw only one today;

it seized his soul. He saw the water running and running

constantly running, and yet it was always there, was always

and forever the same, and yet new every instant. Who could

grasp this?! Who could fathom this?! He did not grasp or

fathom it, he felt only an inkling stirring, a distant memory,

godly voices.

from: Siddhartha

by: Herman Hess

What better way to break a solitary drive up North...to a predicted blizzard..than to stop at a local hot springs, in the middle of nowhere, in the company of a beloved niece and a couple of her boys!!??
It was so fun to soak for a bit and to meet some unique folks from all over and whom where going to all sorts of uniques places from there!! Belgium was the furthest adventurous traveler!! And what a kick it was to watch Brock and Max hop and trot from one pool to another, over ice rimmed puddles in the brisk, wicked wind and cold.  I for one could not bring myself to even bring one shoulder out of the warm water. In fact, I was horrifed in knowing that  I would eventually have to pull myself out and withstand the cold and make my way to  a near by rock where my towel and borrowed cozy robe awaited me. The spring just wasnt quite hot enough to make it pleasant to step out of and into the north winds.  But we did it!! And it was so worth it!! And now I can check off this experience on my bucket list!! Yipeee!! Thanks Jeni, for joining me!! Love you so much and your darling family!!

Do you remember my reference to a predicted blizzard at home??
Well this time the weather man was right.
We woke up this morning to snow caked  windows (a first) and drifts all over the yard and its still being added to as I write. Pictures cant capture the sound of the wind or the blinding verticle snow. sigh.

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.

What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!”

-Dr Seuss  

Christmas is most definitely my least favorite holiday.
And I believe I can explain this with a few short words.
unfulfilled expectations
commercialism,
disappointment


No matter how hard I try to change my mindset on Christmas...discontent rears its ugly head.

When ones love language is so NOT 'gift giving' , Christmas  becomes a little dreadful and a burden. When ones love language is 'spending quality time" or 'acts of service', then you can see that Christmas hasn't gone  well for me, (or my family) for many years.

My dream Christmas, since my family began, is to bag the gifts and go away, board a plane, or pack into cars, and spend the time and money making memories that will last forever.  (who remembers what they got for Christmas last year?) To not be buying gifts that will soon be forgotten, or that leave the recipient feeling less than satisfied...or wanting something different, or feeling that's its a lame gift, or that someones elses gift is better...and on and on... Its all nonsense and weighs heavily on my heart when I go to bed after the brouhaha of Christmas.
My simple solution:
Maybe next year will be the year my 'fantasy Christmas' will materialize.
Plane tickets for all instead of socks
Beach house instead of jewelry
Service instead of gift cards
Memories instead of electronics
No regrets or unfulfilled expectation, only joy and great memories.

PS- my kids are GREAT! This is not their problem or their fault. I was born this way.  MyBuilder is the bonified spirit of Christmas in our house. I would have thrown up my hands in defeat years ago if it weren't for him. Bless him!!

Mini Vacation With Mimi...and Popa too!!

I havent scaled the cliffs of knowledge, only meandered

in the foothills.  If I have reached any heights at all in

learning, it is as a sparrow-hawk who encountered a

favorable breeze that bore it briskly aloft.

from: March

by: Geraldine Brooks

Do you believe in Karma
or The Power of Attraction...which is..the belief that "like attracts like" and that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, one can bring about positive or negative results.
I've been trying to find my way in the world with my new life...life after St George.
I've been pondering and reading and on some days giving a valiant effort in trying to change my course and attitude.
This will soon be a post about my favorite things...which are those blessed family occasions and vacations...but Im going to come to it around the back door this time...so you can understand a little better whats going on in my head. If thats even possible.
My Tumblr is full of quotes about our power to choose happiness. Etc etc. Im desperately trying to put what I believe to be true and want to be true into practice.
I have returned to Logan. A leap of faith. A leap full of confidence and hope that it's the right thing to do. I missed My Builder.  Healthy relationships are difficult at a distance. And Im trying not to think about winter. Not yet.
Instead we were all thinking about the huge Pet Convention in Las Vegas...getting ready for it...preparing in every way we thought we could...and then some.  David and My Builder had it all under control. There was no last minute running around wishing they'd done more.  They were ready!! Until we decided to  redesign the booth.  The redesign was a GOOD thing!! And we were thrilled with the results. But it was while we were building said display that something happen to me that made me question my karma or the "law of attraction".
It was a 'simple' accident. A large wooden pallet fell on my big toe. No shoes protected my piggy. I cant begin to explain the pain I felt. Except to admit to you that I cried like I might be dying, for over and hour. I now understand the term...withering in pain...for that is what I did for what felt like eternity...until the pain killers kicked in. Babies came into the world for me easier than dealing  with that pain.   Immediately I'm  asking the universe why this happened to me? Why did I 'attract' such a mishap? What was the universe trying to tell me?
And wait!! It gets worse!!!
My Builder and David headed to Vegas a few hours before we did..so they could set up shop.  Anna and I headed down later.  We had to stop in Moapia cause the kids needed a break. And low and behold..the car wouldnt let us put it into park or reverse. Uh oh. We were in trouble.  Why oh Universe?! Are you telling me something?  We made our way to Vegas on a wing and a prayer...pulled into the resort parking lot...knowing we couldnt park or reverse..so Anna jumped out to check us in while I would drive around the parking lot with the kiddos. While she was rummaging in the backseat for the paperwork..I must has lifted my foot from the brake a tad..and rolled on to her foot!!! OMG!!! I couldnt back off her foot!! So I had to continue to roll the rest of the way over that tender little foot!! She got into the car...crying like I had been crying just 2 days before..with the added effect of actual tread marks on the top of her foot!!! I had done this to her!! I knew with recent clarity just how badly it HURT!!! I forced 4 Advil down her throat and waited for our men to come rescue her from her masochistic mother!! Ok Universe...this IS NOT FUNNY!!!
I went to my room and wept bitter tears at what I had done.  All the while wondering why I was 'attracting' such mishaps. Were my negative thoughts about life really expressing themselves by negative events? I truly had been working hard to be positive on all fronts. And yet my daughter now had black tire tracks on her foot...and possibly broken bones to boot!!
Bri tried to calm me...Anna assured me after an hour or so that it really wasnt so bad.  I bought Anna and I big, juicy, expensive, pool side burgers to help ME feel better.  And it helped. And miracles of miracles...the next day Anna was happy to report that she couldnt feel any pain in her foot.  (maybe she was a great liar...or there was an actual miracle there..for she never limped.  I on the other hand am still limping a week later. wah wah)
From that new morning on, after realizing that Anna wasnt seriously hurt...my favorite things started happening again.

 The next morning...after foot incident..not limping...just hungry!!

 Our brave and ridiculous adventure to the Pet Convention..to see our men and the show!! This "adventure" could and should be a whole blog post in and of itself!! Never again will we venture the strip with 2 kids, no stroller and a wickedly sore toe!!! The shuttle was free...but the walking still did us in. Bad idea!! We called a taxi to get us home!!!

 The rest of our days were spent pool side..not 20 ft from cool, refreshing water made just for kiddos!! I couldnt rustle up much guilt about this either..for our men were giddy with excitement about the show and the contacts they were making!! I saw it as a win win for us all!!!

 If you were to ask the Grands what their favorite part of the vacation was...it would be eating pizza each night by the pool!! Yum!! Plus...movie night..watching Lego Movie IN THE POOL with free popcorn and lemonade and a glow stick too!! Good times!!!

 5:00pm rolled around and the guys joined us poolside!! Popa is the bomb!!

 Drunk on fun and pizza...water and sunshine!!!

Going home morning.  Im happy to report that the show was a success. We feel that great things will come of it!!
Favorite memories of this simple family vacation...
Sand between our toes!

Lazy River waterfall wars with Lachlan. Who could pull who under the most waterfalls!! Lachlan always won if I was in a tube!!
Sand and water mixed together makes for a gleeful Benjamin!! He jumps for joy spontaneously!!
Swimsuit 24/7!
Our taxi driver had a story...one that has changed how I think about things.  10 min ride...a little life changing. Who'd a thunk!!?? (I may try to write about it sometime.)
Wish I'd had a camera for the sight of Anna and her boys wedged in each others laps in a bright orange tube taking on the lazy river together. Priceless!!
These are definitely my favorite things!!

Never, in peace or war, commit your virtue or your happiness

to the future.  Happy work is best done by the man who takes

his long-term plans somewhat lightly and works from moment

to moment "as to the Lord."  It is only our daily bread that we

are encouraged to ask for.  The present is the only time

in which any duty can be done or any grace received.

from: Virtue and Vice

by: C.S. Lewis

If you have time to chatter

Read books

If you have time to read

Walk into mountain, desert, and ocean

If you have time to walk

Sing songs and dance

Sit quietly, you happy lucky Idiot

from: Life Prayers From Around the World

by: Nahao Sakaki

 Pizza on the beach!! Really!! I ask you...does it get any better than that!!!???

 Never have I seen a child express such glee at being on the beach...maybe only I have been as silly as Ben on the beach. He would run fearlessly into the waves..with or without a sturdy hand. He would jump with joy with all the umph his little legs could muster. He could not get enough!! Yet another kindred spirit has been born!!

Every day we saw dolphin out beyond the surfers..almost always heading south...once we saw a seal. Knox caught sand crabs by the fistful...and we gathered buckets full of shells. Could this be me giving advise to surfers? I think not...

Bike rides on the boardwalk...so fun, so relaxing..so interesting and even a bit challenging..weaving in and out around all the other hordes of folks vacationing in Newport Beach this weekend!! And the beach front property..oh my!!

Wedding flowers...sprucing up the already darling beach house. They too made us happy!!

 "Elder" Dan...soon to be hanging up his boogie board for a suit and missionary badge.

 Bri and Mericar came and spent an afternoon with us!! So fun to see the newlyweds! Brian gave surfing a try...and succeeded!!

Boogie Boarding is more my speed!!

The beach princess!

What a lovely partner in crime I have found in Chelsea...boogie boarding and then paddle boarding together!! So fun!! Paddle boarding was so  much easier than I thought it would be. Next time we're heading to the ocean for a try!!