....life is much bigger than we give it credit for, and much of
the time its harder than we would like. It's a package deal,
though. Sometimes our mouths stay open with exhaustion,
and our souls and minds do too, with defeat, and that saggy
opening is what we needed all along. Any opening leads to
the chance of flow, which sometimes is the best we
can hope for, and a minor miracle at that....
from: The Poisonwood Bible
by: Barbara Kingsolver
Tonight, for some inexplicable reason , the cool breeze that blows through my beat up window screen at the head of my bed, which in turn causes the crusty window blind to tap quietly against the sill, is striking a tender cord in me and might just cause me to weep.
Surprisingly, it was "hot" today in Logan.
The temps may have risen as high as 90 degrees.
At the risk of stating the obvious..again...I dont mind the heat.
So these emotions that I feel tonight are surprising, even perplexing. I may never understand why a breath of cool air...air that smells surprisingly sweet here in June...would bring tears of joy to my eyes. Cool breezes usually cause me to whine.
It's got to be hormones right?!
But maybe its gratitude?
It could be gratitude.
Today I felt my bones thawing. Yep...it finally happened...at the end of June.
Or maybe its feelings of romanticism...
There are crickets chirping
The leaves are in a flurry outside in the dark.
The whistle in the screen is comforting...like the sound of waves or a teapot squeal.
The ceiling fan is purring and Im tucked away in our cozy room in our new home....
Maybe its because it dawned on me tonight that Im no longer racked with extreme fatigue after work. Im toughening up...or the extra person that comes in for the lunch rush really does make all the difference?? Whatever the reason for my feelings of resilience , Im grateful Im no longer dead tired when I get home in the afternoon.
And here's yet another likely explanation for my emotional reaction to an evening breeze...
I feel great happiness and gratitude at the prospect that this could be the night that a pair of excellent parents may be welcoming a new little boy to their family and home tonight. Yep, Grand #9 is due any moment...and I suspect it could be tonight.
So...maybe you're thinking what Im thinking...that the billowing of my emotions tonight had not much of anything to do with cool breezes and rustling winds...
I think I may have a grateful heart...
for many reasons...
and that's been an unfamiliar feeling for me for a while...
It feels good.
Night Night....and sweet dreams....