“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.

What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!”

-Dr Seuss  

Christmas is most definitely my least favorite holiday.
And I believe I can explain this with a few short words.
unfulfilled expectations
commercialism,
disappointment


No matter how hard I try to change my mindset on Christmas...discontent rears its ugly head.

When ones love language is so NOT 'gift giving' , Christmas  becomes a little dreadful and a burden. When ones love language is 'spending quality time" or 'acts of service', then you can see that Christmas hasn't gone  well for me, (or my family) for many years.

My dream Christmas, since my family began, is to bag the gifts and go away, board a plane, or pack into cars, and spend the time and money making memories that will last forever.  (who remembers what they got for Christmas last year?) To not be buying gifts that will soon be forgotten, or that leave the recipient feeling less than satisfied...or wanting something different, or feeling that's its a lame gift, or that someones elses gift is better...and on and on... Its all nonsense and weighs heavily on my heart when I go to bed after the brouhaha of Christmas.
My simple solution:
Maybe next year will be the year my 'fantasy Christmas' will materialize.
Plane tickets for all instead of socks
Beach house instead of jewelry
Service instead of gift cards
Memories instead of electronics
No regrets or unfulfilled expectation, only joy and great memories.

PS- my kids are GREAT! This is not their problem or their fault. I was born this way.  MyBuilder is the bonified spirit of Christmas in our house. I would have thrown up my hands in defeat years ago if it weren't for him. Bless him!!

We meditate to discover our own identity, our

right place in the scheme of the universe. 

Through meditation we aquire and eventually

acknowledge our connection to an inner power

source that has the ability  to transform our outer

world.  In other words, meditation  gives us not

only the light of insight but also the power for

expansive change.

from: The Artist Way

I cant put my finger on why it is that hiking inspires me to blog.  I miss, miss blogging.  I have missed, missed hiking.  Weight lifting is a gas...I really love it...but I guess there are no gorgeous vistas to photograph...no down time to just take in the scenery and to breath. Too many sweaty, straining faces at the gym...who wants to see that!!??

I am so, SO grateful that Brian and Mericar are in town now...for now we have plans!!! Lots of plans for hiking. I almost feel reborn.  Hopeful.

Today we picked a moderate hike...for we had grands in tow. Anna and David are rock stars! They toted those kiddos on their backs and in their arms most of the time!! Thanks Blacksmith Barbell for the strength training there!!

It was a beautiful Labor Day Monday. Even My Builder joined us!!  I think the grands would follow him anywhere!! Even up a mountain!!

William may grow up to be a rock hound.  He was always on the hunt to find a precious rock to put in his pocket. I believe the headboard of his bed is lined with such treasures.  He is our treasure!

 Did I mention that the morning was glorious!! The clouds...the tint of fall colors on  the trees in the distance.  It  rained  last night...and everything smelled amazing...the grass was bent over with the weight and coolness of the moisture! Perfection!!

 This little grand is a talker!! Hiking opens up his mind...even more...and he talked to all of us about anything...things that most four year olds dont articulate.  What a boy!!  Growing his legs stronger so he can be an even better hiker!!

And look what we found as the hike drew to a close. A lovely "St George" colored caterpillar!! He was a tickling treat!!

Bereavement is the unwelcome current that forced you

 to an unintended harbor.  But, here, perhaps, the 

 vessel lies that will carry you onward

 to the place where you were always meant to go.

from: Caleb's Crossing

by: Geraldine Brooks

Those that know me..have known quite plainly that My Builder and I have been on a tempestuous journey these last 3-4 years.  I havent been quite silent about our woes.
Nothing has gone as we envisioned. This road is unfamiliar...and sometimes difficult....and long, long, long--requiring much patience.
Having said this about myself I realize as the same time that most people I know can say the exact same things.  I am not unique.  (no kidding)
All us seem to be saying these same things:

"nothing is for sure."

"Who pulled the rug out from under us!!!??"

"Why us!!??"

I add to the list of questions, this poignant inquiry:
Why does the most faithful, devout, valiant man I know and love, My Builder, have to struggle so??!!

....and on and on and on I can go...and have gone.

There are still no answers coming my way. Heaven is silent for me.  But Im assuming that its mostly my fault that it seems this way, for I have NOT remained valiant, faithful, humble or devout.  I have struggled mightily with hope, faith and patience and understanding.

But I feel a glimmer of light on the horizon...for no apparent reason. There is no explanation or change in me, except for a softening of my own heart.  The reasons for this warming of my heart may be mystical/spiritual or worldly...for both  are connected...for everything is spiritual. After 3 years of what has felt at times like outer darkness...I feel a shift...in me.

Here are a few things I may attribute this change of heart to:

#1 a better job.  I do miss my friends at The Grill, but I do NOT miss the work. Every day I appreciate my PE job. What a great gig it is!!  And I choose to believe that it was the 'inspiration' of a great lady to tell me to apply.  How glorious it is to fall in love with 340 kids!! How can that not do anything but soften this heart of mine?

#2 winter began mercifully mild this year.   I know it will get worse...it already has...but I appreciated every warm, sunny December day.

And lastly, but probably most importantly, we have our own little home. I call it fondly- our tiny home.
I will probably always feel just a tinge of shame (for pride yet yields its ugly head) when I have to say out loud that I  live in a trailer park, in a puke green mobile home, 8th down on the right.  But as soon as I step indoors, its home, its cozy and nice.

So dont tell anyone...but Im truly enjoying our tiny home!!

It turns out that the simple life is good for me.
I enjoying lessening our footprint and letting go of stuff!!
I enjoying even more having no cause to accumulate stuff either!! For there is no room!!!
Tiny home is easy to keep clean.
We have amazing views here..of both mountain ranges. 360derees of beauty!
The financial freedom is liberating and a gift. We have no worries on that account. Its payed for!!
Rain on the tiny homes' metal roof is a lovely thing.
The tiny home has someone else to take care of the yard...mowing and watering are no longer our responsibility.

I havent a clue, not one morsel of a clue what the future holds for us...but...Tiny home is a blessing..and Im grateful for it right now.

Mini Vacation With Mimi...and Popa too!!

I havent scaled the cliffs of knowledge, only meandered

in the foothills.  If I have reached any heights at all in

learning, it is as a sparrow-hawk who encountered a

favorable breeze that bore it briskly aloft.

from: March

by: Geraldine Brooks

Do you believe in Karma
or The Power of Attraction...which is..the belief that "like attracts like" and that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, one can bring about positive or negative results.
I've been trying to find my way in the world with my new life...life after St George.
I've been pondering and reading and on some days giving a valiant effort in trying to change my course and attitude.
This will soon be a post about my favorite things...which are those blessed family occasions and vacations...but Im going to come to it around the back door this time...so you can understand a little better whats going on in my head. If thats even possible.
My Tumblr is full of quotes about our power to choose happiness. Etc etc. Im desperately trying to put what I believe to be true and want to be true into practice.
I have returned to Logan. A leap of faith. A leap full of confidence and hope that it's the right thing to do. I missed My Builder.  Healthy relationships are difficult at a distance. And Im trying not to think about winter. Not yet.
Instead we were all thinking about the huge Pet Convention in Las Vegas...getting ready for it...preparing in every way we thought we could...and then some.  David and My Builder had it all under control. There was no last minute running around wishing they'd done more.  They were ready!! Until we decided to  redesign the booth.  The redesign was a GOOD thing!! And we were thrilled with the results. But it was while we were building said display that something happen to me that made me question my karma or the "law of attraction".
It was a 'simple' accident. A large wooden pallet fell on my big toe. No shoes protected my piggy. I cant begin to explain the pain I felt. Except to admit to you that I cried like I might be dying, for over and hour. I now understand the term...withering in pain...for that is what I did for what felt like eternity...until the pain killers kicked in. Babies came into the world for me easier than dealing  with that pain.   Immediately I'm  asking the universe why this happened to me? Why did I 'attract' such a mishap? What was the universe trying to tell me?
And wait!! It gets worse!!!
My Builder and David headed to Vegas a few hours before we did..so they could set up shop.  Anna and I headed down later.  We had to stop in Moapia cause the kids needed a break. And low and behold..the car wouldnt let us put it into park or reverse. Uh oh. We were in trouble.  Why oh Universe?! Are you telling me something?  We made our way to Vegas on a wing and a prayer...pulled into the resort parking lot...knowing we couldnt park or reverse..so Anna jumped out to check us in while I would drive around the parking lot with the kiddos. While she was rummaging in the backseat for the paperwork..I must has lifted my foot from the brake a tad..and rolled on to her foot!!! OMG!!! I couldnt back off her foot!! So I had to continue to roll the rest of the way over that tender little foot!! She got into the car...crying like I had been crying just 2 days before..with the added effect of actual tread marks on the top of her foot!!! I had done this to her!! I knew with recent clarity just how badly it HURT!!! I forced 4 Advil down her throat and waited for our men to come rescue her from her masochistic mother!! Ok Universe...this IS NOT FUNNY!!!
I went to my room and wept bitter tears at what I had done.  All the while wondering why I was 'attracting' such mishaps. Were my negative thoughts about life really expressing themselves by negative events? I truly had been working hard to be positive on all fronts. And yet my daughter now had black tire tracks on her foot...and possibly broken bones to boot!!
Bri tried to calm me...Anna assured me after an hour or so that it really wasnt so bad.  I bought Anna and I big, juicy, expensive, pool side burgers to help ME feel better.  And it helped. And miracles of miracles...the next day Anna was happy to report that she couldnt feel any pain in her foot.  (maybe she was a great liar...or there was an actual miracle there..for she never limped.  I on the other hand am still limping a week later. wah wah)
From that new morning on, after realizing that Anna wasnt seriously hurt...my favorite things started happening again.

 The next morning...after foot incident..not limping...just hungry!!

 Our brave and ridiculous adventure to the Pet Convention..to see our men and the show!! This "adventure" could and should be a whole blog post in and of itself!! Never again will we venture the strip with 2 kids, no stroller and a wickedly sore toe!!! The shuttle was free...but the walking still did us in. Bad idea!! We called a taxi to get us home!!!

 The rest of our days were spent pool side..not 20 ft from cool, refreshing water made just for kiddos!! I couldnt rustle up much guilt about this either..for our men were giddy with excitement about the show and the contacts they were making!! I saw it as a win win for us all!!!

 If you were to ask the Grands what their favorite part of the vacation was...it would be eating pizza each night by the pool!! Yum!! Plus...movie night..watching Lego Movie IN THE POOL with free popcorn and lemonade and a glow stick too!! Good times!!!

 5:00pm rolled around and the guys joined us poolside!! Popa is the bomb!!

 Drunk on fun and pizza...water and sunshine!!!

Going home morning.  Im happy to report that the show was a success. We feel that great things will come of it!!
Favorite memories of this simple family vacation...
Sand between our toes!

Lazy River waterfall wars with Lachlan. Who could pull who under the most waterfalls!! Lachlan always won if I was in a tube!!
Sand and water mixed together makes for a gleeful Benjamin!! He jumps for joy spontaneously!!
Swimsuit 24/7!
Our taxi driver had a story...one that has changed how I think about things.  10 min ride...a little life changing. Who'd a thunk!!?? (I may try to write about it sometime.)
Wish I'd had a camera for the sight of Anna and her boys wedged in each others laps in a bright orange tube taking on the lazy river together. Priceless!!
These are definitely my favorite things!!

Happy Happy Mothers Day!!!

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. 

All other careers exist for one purpose only

 - and that is to support the ultimate career. ”
― C.S. Lewis

Ok...now we know for sure where the handsome genes come from!!

 Mothers Day at the Stephensons!!!
 We finally pulled off a fun and simple get-together!!
(we know too, where the crazy genes come from.)

 Oh Jax...you've stolen all our hearts!! We are completely whipped!!

 This moving target wanted his picture taken with me!! Quick?? Snap the pic before he's gone again!!!

 Flowers, chocolates and good times for these two remarkable Moms...whom we love to the moon and back!!

 Sorry Scott...sweet Olive took this pic...but we can still tell what a handsome pair you two make. Happy Mothers Day Trisha!!

 Knox..hugging one of his favorite girlfriends...dear Mayci!!

 Good looks run thick through this family!!
Love these men!!

 Lachlan has less then 10 days of 1st grade left.
How does this happen??
How quickly they grow...into fine young people.

 Cousins are the bomb!
Oh how we love it when these two play!!

 She whispered softly in my ear..."Mimi...can I take your flowers home?"
Who can resist this face!!?? Not I

 This Mamma  was so happy to have a house full on Mothers Day!
So many handsome men!!

Grandpa Sharp with his oldest grandson! 

Hard to believe he's now a great grandpa...several times over!!

Mayci, the most beautiful and enthusiastic jungle gym ever!! These dear grands adore her!! And so do I!!

..in the United States..we try to eliminate the need for compromise.

Cars have 'personal climate controls' so that the driver and passenger

need not negotiate a mutually agreeable temperature.  That same pair, 

lets say they're husband and wife, need not agree on the ideal firmness

of their mattress either.  Each can set their own 'personal comfort level.'

We embrace these technologies.  Why shouldnt everyone enjoy their

own personal comfort level, be it in a car or in bed?  I wonder, though,

what we lose through such conveniences?  If we no longer must compromise

 on the easy stuff, like mattresses, then what about the truly important issues?

Compromise is a skill, and like all skills it atrophies from lack of use.

from: The Geography of Bliss

by: Eric Weiner

Proceeding with caution to So. Utah....

I knew that someday I would be using this pic I took while walking the streets of Logan,Utah. For I personally never seem to take the easy or careful path. Im often accused of leading with my heart and not with common sense.  (except when hiking of course.)
This path Im on now is full of unknowns and possibilities and risks. It may be a real dosey of challenge..or maybe not...we're only in to it a week now and we're taking a careful pulse of the situation frequently.
My Builder and I are promising one another to use every precaution and to monitor the risks closely..for this is new to us...choosing to be apart for long periods of time.
Most of you have probably already heard that I packed up my hiking clothes and an expensive bottle of sunscreen, a few books, laptop and trusty Keens...the bare necessities of life...and headed to St George to hike once more.
This was not a spur of the moment decision. My Builder and I carefully weighed the pros and cons of a seemingly rash and selfish decision. We've been back and forth on what we hope have been all the reasons for..or against such a decision. We've talked to people who have done similar things. The wise ones told us to be cautious...to be mindful of one another..even more than before. To be vigilant for the signs and warnings of a deterioration in our relationship.
So everyday Im mindful of proceeding with a possibly risky decision with caution. When I throw my arms up in joyful exhaltation while trudging through the sand because  I've landed back in paradise...I then rein myself in and remember that this is a trial...a great and wonderful trial so see if it'll work...me being here and My Builder being there. Im running with it with all my heart...but its a wait and see kind of thing...and thats only fair. My days here are a gift, and Im going to treat them as such. My parents are generous to have me take over a corner of their home. Desert Cliffs is generous to have me on the hiking schedule as often as they can. My Builder sent me here with his blessing.  Anna is probably scratching her head and wondering whats up with her mom...but its all good... so far!!
Its hard to explain how good it feels to be back.
To be helpful
competent in something
knowledgeable
happy
healthy
sunburned
sore
happy
fully engaged
purposeful
happy
fit(er)
alert
and observant
May proceeding with caution still always include a random happy dance along the way!!

Two Wills Make a Right

Will these two be forever cemented in each others heart? If I were a bett'in woman I'd put a lot of dough down on this pair and their adoration of one another.  If I havent already told you... My Builder is the 'Grand Whisperer.'  All who know him and observe him with the little ones he adores would agree. But these two seem especially connected.
Im wondering if this bond is all the stronger due to Popa being in the very next room with only a bedsheet  hanging in the archway flimsily  dividing them for one another and the singular, miraculous, laborious experience of William coming into the world...on the couch that Popa bought.  I suppose having the same first name couldnt hurt the bonding experience either.

Favorite daughter, grand and Popa firmly bonded forever.
Its a splendid  thing...a beautiful man with a beautiful grand!!

One must ask children and birds how

 cherries and strawberries taste. 

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

I've become alarmed.
Im into my 8th day of experiencing a nasty cold.
What's  seriously alarming now is that I cant smell.
I hung sprigs of eucalyptus in my shower.  Its a favorite scent of mine. Warm steams heighten its fragrance.
I cant smell a thing.

I have a new candle that I burn in my window when I write.
I cant smell a thing.

I test the contents of the salad bar with my nose every morning...to check for freshness.
I cant smell a thing.

Anna changed Ben's dirty diaper just inches from me.
I cant smell a thing.

I brew the first pots of coffee in the morning before we open the doors.
I cant smell a thing.

But let me be clear. Not smelling my world isnt half as bad as ...NOT BEING ABLE TO TASTE MY WORLD!!!

Is the best pizza in town still the best pizza?
Is Pepsi still the best drink ever devised?
Does cheesecake delight my taste buds as it should?

NO THEY DON'T!!!

I cant taste any of it.
This is disturbing, to say the least. Why eat at all if you cant enjoy all the flavors and combinations?!
I squooze a lime on my pizza this evening, and I couldnt identify it.
Im quite freaked out about this recent development.
Will my taste buds recover?  (Can you hear how hard Im trying to suppress my panic!!!?)

My Builder has become a drug pusher...it quite annoying.  I know he's just trying to help, but I fear that there's nothing in his little medicine basket that can help this.
I pray that this is just a temporary misfortune,  and that I'm experiencing yet another lesson in gratitude and patience with the absence of these finer senses.
May the gods of good health smile on me once again.  For I dont need yet one more reason to blame Logan, Utah for disaster.

p.s- Even though I've been trying hard lately to loose some weight that working at the Grill has added to my waste-line...this is NOT the method I choose!!

p.s.s.- I have noticed, and you may have as well, that my tagging system for my posts on the right has seen an increase in the number of posts written under the heading, "Here's Me Complaining" I apologize. I truly am trying to not always be whining.

p.s.s.s.- I am positive that My dear Builder will be alarmed with this post.  He just spent precious money on a lovely dinner for me, that I faked enjoying.  Im sorry my love.  Just know that half the pleasure of the night was just being out on the town with you.

Peace

Because Promtheus had stolen fire from the gods, Zeus decided

 to punish mankind by sending them Pandora, the first woman.

She had every gift- beauty, charm, skill in women's work-

 but she was a "tempting snare"and a "nagging burden."  Before

 she came to earth, men lived happily, untouched by troubles

 and disease. Pandora, whom Zeus made "to be  evil for mortal man,"

was she "from whom comes the fair sex; yes, wicked womenfolk are her descendants.

from: Theogony -Hesiod

quoted in: Sisters at the Well

(the only reason...besides the need for money...to go to work each day is this fine woman, my dear boss!)

My Builder has discovered a way to ease my load at work.
One morning, quite by accident, he discovered that I haul down 20 heavy chairs from off the tabletops and roll out nasty rugs before opening the Grill. (among other things)
Now each morning when My Builder drives me to work, (I havent worked out the bus schedule from here) he parks the truck and comes in to help me.
He does the chairs and rugs and now seems to get a thrill in turning on the shake machine.
Bless him.

My Builder may do this to ease some guilt?
But mostly he behaves like this because he is a true gentleman and he loves me.  (He may also be afraid that my uterus might drop out...due to all the heavy lifting.)
Im very appreciative.
But I guess I'd be more appreciative if I didnt have to work so hard.
I'd be thrilled if the rabbit food business could begin to support us.

I'm wary and worried already about my bad attitude...again.
Things could prove to get a lot worse for me here soon,  very soon.  Snow and much colder weather is on the horizon...no thats incorrect, its at my front door already.  Cold weather alters my mood.
Winter is my plague, and its already here to stay.

Truly there is no upside to winter, no matter how hard "winter-lovers" try to beef these  next months up in their minds.

Winter Lovers speak with fondness of  Fireplaces, and hot chocolate, sledding and skiing and cute sweaters,  hats and gloves. (all indicators of Hades.)

Summer Lovers like me long for laid back BBQ's and cold Pepsi, beaches and hiking with flip flops and shorts.

Dont Winter Lovers notice the puddles at the back door and all the extra clothing it requires to stay warm?? What about the extra expense for said warm, itchy clothing and heating!!!??

I would rather mow the lawn and live in shorts and sandals..plus- YOU CAN GROW YOUR OWN FOOD in the warmer months!!

oH WELL..
hear my sigh...
This too shall pass, eventually...
Meanwhile I'll take My Builders help whenever I can.
His service warms my heart.

Peace

Let there be music.  Let there be a bountiful feast.

 Let there be dancing in the streets. Let the misbegotten

sons of peasants who inhabit this dreary

 place pay homage to a Princess.

from: Papa Married a Mormon

by:  John Fitzgerald

My Builder and I took a lovely 24 hour jaunt to Salt Lake on Friday after work.  Saturday morning was the baptism of  and celebration for Amber.  We weren't  going ;miss that happy occasion!! And oh what a joyous event it was! Amber is 8 yrs old going on 15. A wise and beautiful soul with the tenderest of hearts. Her parents have raised her well; as she has raised them well too. I am blessed to have such a tender niece. I am blessed to belong to such a wonderful family. Im so grateful my mom and dad would travel up for this occasion as well.  I miss them.
Baptism is a big deal. Its a lot to take in and understand for 8 yr olds.  But I feel certain that this particular 8 yr old understands more than most.  Her big brother, Josh, gave a beautiful and personal talk on the importance of baptism.  And her dad gave a thought provoking talk on the gift of the Holy Ghost.  I plan on remembering some of the things he said- Like when you want Gods advice in your life, all you need to do is ask and then get up off your butt and go serve! In the process of serving others, that is when our answers will come.  Genius!

I spent a few tearful moment on the phone on Sat with my son Joe. He and his family are moving back to St George...lucky them...and Saturday was the first leg of moving day. They loaded a trailer with a  load of things and headed out. I had been hoping to see them and see the boys before they left...but it didnt happen, and it broke my heart.  Natalie and the boys will be back...for a while.  Joe needs to find a place to live down there and then they will join him.  And I will make every effort to get back to Salt Lake to see those boys...and perhaps kidnap them for a few days and bring them back here with me before they all leave for good. But on Sat. I was just plain sad about it all...and Joe heard me cry.

Its amazing to me how much fun one can cram into a little over 24 hours of time though. Friday night was spent with Clark and Jenna and Brian and Mericar.  I wanted pizza...and boy oh boy did I get pizza and a good time.  A favorite place of Clarks is The Pie...up by the University.  So we all piled into a borrowed mini van and headed up there to satisfy my need.  Can I just say...YUM!!!
Then we rented a James Bond movie-Skyfall- and went back to 'Hotel Ehlert' and watched it on their big screened tv and ate popcorn.  FUN!!

Saturday evening I landed 2 tickets from a very generous lady...you know who you are ...mother of Jordan...Ms Margo!!...for the Relief Society general Meeting in the Conference Center downtown. I looked over at my mom and just knew I needed to take her down there with me and attend. The 3rd ticket materialized...and so I called Brians girlfriend, Mericar...who is thankfully a spontaneous soul, and she joined us too!! We were all spiritually fed ...and the train ride home was a fun adventure. Way to go mom for jumping in and going along with the craziness!! It'll go down as a most memorable night.

Happy Sabbath