I am out for a bargain; the object should be

desirable from the standpoint of its social

value, and at the same time should want me,

considering my overt and hidden assets and 

potentialities.  Two persons thus fall in love

when they feel they have found the best 

objects available on the market, considering

the limitations of their own exchange values.

Often, as in buying real estate, the hidden

potentialities which can be developed play

a considerable role in this bargain.

from: The Art of Loving

by: Erik Fromm

Many of we  Stephensons have been talking a lot about marriage around here.  We  belong to a spectacular family and extended family.  And we have marriages…as our darling nieces and nephews  find loved ones.  Marriages are joyous occasions and a cause for reflection.  Last weekend dear Mikele and Seth were sealed….for time and all eternity.  It’s a beautiful thing…for I do believe that when we bring God into this ‘contract’ we  broaden our chances to have an enduring marriage…we see that  our purposes are higher than  just outward appearances. 

Do we realize how unique we Mormons are?  Very few  religions teach the truth or even believe that marriages can be eternal.  So few teach that that is what God intends for us….for our families to be eternal.  We aim for the eternities!!  At the risk of sounding over the top…we aim for thrones, principalities and powers in eternal worlds.  I think most folks do believe that we are all made in the image of God who is eternal…so why not us!!??

But I stray from the subject at hand.  Pondering marriage.  Theories abound about what makes a good marriage and what qualities are required for the best mate.    My thoughts are always drawn back to the idea of  arranged marriages.  I realize that this is  a strange platform to begin with  …for it seems such a foreign concept this day and age.  But the ‘ancient’ practice  gets one to thinking about what it is that makes a marriage successful.  What are the elements of a good marriage?  (please note—this post if for ME!!  I have much to improve on)

We all want happiness. 

I have learned that it is NOT my spouses responsibility to bring me happiness.  I am in charge of my own happiness.  And the only way to find real happiness is to serve one another.  Service in marriage should be easy!! There are so many diverse ways!!  When we serve Love grows.  We must always be on guard for our acts of  selfishness.  Arranged or not…we can always serve. ..and love will grow.

Did you know that  one can literally become addicted to the state of unhappiness……..or to happiness. 

Did you know that our thoughts are real, tangible objects, not just fluffy, ethereal stuff?  Here’s what I  have come to understand.  A Dr Pert did some studies, and found that every thought you have has an unique neuropeptide associated with it, and your body, in turn, produces that unique  neuropeptide every time you experience  that particular thought, and the emotion associated with it. A neuropeptide  is a simple, protein based amino acid and is produced by your hypothalamus,  the “control center”  at the base of our brain.  So every time we have a thought, our hypothalamus ‘translates’ that thought into billions of neuropeptides that are uniquely associated with the emotion you are experiencing because of that thought.  And then our bloodstream is flooded with billions of the unique neuropeptides  associated with the emotion you have just been experiencing.  My thought, translated into a neuropeptide, literally becomes a molecular messenger of emotion.  When in my bloodstream, these neuropeptides are physically  assimilated by your body’s cells. The neuropeptides join  with your cells by inserting themselves into a special receptacle on each cell’s membrane- like a key fitting into a keyhole.  Each neuropeptide receptacle on a cell’s membrane is specifically designed to fit just that one particular peptide and no other. So once that peptide finds the right receptacle on the cell membrane, that amino acid is absorbed into the cell. 

Over time, this Dr Pert found that our cells develop more and more unique receptacles on their membranes to capture the neuropeptides to which they are most often exposed.  Dr Pert also found that over time, our cells begin to crave the neuropeptides to which they are most often exposed (and have built the unique receptacles to receive.)  In fact, she found that our cells become so accustomed to the unique peptides to which they are most often exposed that the cells cover their membranes with nothing but those receptacles for those neuropeptides!! Which in turn actually shut down other vital functions, and our cells become  nothing but vessels to ingest the unique peptide they most often experience.   This means that our cells start ‘telling’ our hypothalamus to produce these particular  neuropeptides because they have developed an actual physical need for them.  Many, many times I have become addicted to Pepsi; to the point of breaking the Sabbath to obtain one.  This is how these cells feel towards their neuropeptides!!  Its daunting to think now with this information, that the only way our hypothalamus can produce the peptides that my cells are now physically addicted to is for me to experience the emotions that will create them!! And the only way my brain can experience the emotions necessary to create those neuropeptides is for it to see and experience a physical reality that will create for those emotions.  If I have felt sad these last several years….my cells are now essentially dictating to me what Im experiencing is indeed sad, because they are controlling my emotional state. My body may actually be physically addicted to this emotional state…even though I know these emotions are painful for me.

Here’s to building new peptides and receptacles!! And  Im guessing service builds amazing, new neuropeptides too!!

Next there is loyalty in marriage.

Loyalty means to be faithful and true. It means  fidelity in all we do.  A marriage before God calls us to be both loyal and true.  The world would have us not worry about  such things.  Being virtuous and responsible for our actions is not encouraged. 

We should be the best we can be. To ourselves and to our love. May I quote here: “ We are spinning our own fates, good or evil, and it’s never to be undone.  Every small stroke of virtue or of vice leaves its never-so-little scar.   The drunken Rip Van Winkle, in Jefferson’s play, excuses himself for every fresh  misdeed by saying, ‘I won’t count this time.’  “  A psychologist has this to say about  our justifying our actions especially those actions of least resistance, and us believing it doesn’t  really count-  “You may not count it, and a kind Heaven may not count it; but it is being counted nonetheless.  Down among our nerve cells and fibers the molecules are counting it, registering  and storing it up to be used against him when the next temptation comes.  (our physical bodies are such a wonder!!) Nothing we ever do is, in strict scientific literalness, wiped out.  Of course, this has its good side as well as its bad one.  As we come permanent drunkards-as in Rip's case, by so many separate drinks,(acts of omission in case of marriage)  we become saints(do-gooders) in the moral sphere, and authorities and experts in the practical and scientific spheres, by so many separate acts and hours of work (good deeds).  Let no youth have any anxiety about the upshot of his education (or marriage) whatever it may be.  If he keeps faithfully busy each hour of the day, he may safely leave the final result to itself.  He can with perfect certainty count on waking up some fine morning, to find himself one of the competent ones of his generation, in whatever pursuit he may have singled out. ( a good marriage)  Silently, between all the details of his business (marriage) the power of judging in all that class of matter will have built itself up within  him a possession that will never pass away.  Young people should know this truth in advance. The ignorance of it has probably engendered more discouragement and faint-heartedness in youth embarking on arduous endeavors than all other causes put together. (Psychology  William James Henry Holt 18920

My dumbed down version:  Marriage is work.  Put in the time and  effort…lots of effort…and you will wake up many a morning and be ever so grateful for and more in love with the one you love. It will be worth it.  It will bring much joy and satisfaction.  Send good and positive vibes down to those very molecules that make beautiful you!! Be loyal to thyself and to the one you love.  If your marriage was arranged…you worked at it every day!! There was no other option!! The same applies today!!

Next helpful tip:  Continue the wooing!

Just because there’s a ring and a sealing doesn’t mean the fun can end.  Wooing should never cease.  Have fun together. Keeping dating.   Remember kind words,  and  appreciation expressed often, and  courteous acts mean so much.  It is always about the small things.  Love feeds on kindnesses and courtesy.

 And you ladies remember- Dr Laura is oh so wise when she counsels us to LOVE them, intimately,  feed them and tell them how great they are.  It is that simple!!

Next is practicing self-control.

My mother and your mother taught you  that ‘if you don’t have anything good to say, then don’t say anything at all!’  Biting ones tongue becomes a fine art…if practiced!!  If we refrain from saying hurtful words..we gain much happiness in our marriages.

 

So in the end what is it that this old lady wants you to know? 

-we overthink

-we underthink

-have faith

-we  need to practice the Golden Rule

-we are responsible for our own happiness…even in marriage. 

-when we serve…love grows….and grows…and grows.

-work at it!

-find out what your lovers Love Language is. Then shower it upon them!!

-be true to yourself

-remember, God is there to help 

-take  Hollywood and the world out of marriage mores.  Bring God in.

-Glory in the wonder of it all!!

..in the United States..we try to eliminate the need for compromise.

Cars have 'personal climate controls' so that the driver and passenger

need not negotiate a mutually agreeable temperature.  That same pair, 

lets say they're husband and wife, need not agree on the ideal firmness

of their mattress either.  Each can set their own 'personal comfort level.'

We embrace these technologies.  Why shouldnt everyone enjoy their

own personal comfort level, be it in a car or in bed?  I wonder, though,

what we lose through such conveniences?  If we no longer must compromise

 on the easy stuff, like mattresses, then what about the truly important issues?

Compromise is a skill, and like all skills it atrophies from lack of use.

from: The Geography of Bliss

by: Eric Weiner

Proceeding with caution to So. Utah....

I knew that someday I would be using this pic I took while walking the streets of Logan,Utah. For I personally never seem to take the easy or careful path. Im often accused of leading with my heart and not with common sense.  (except when hiking of course.)
This path Im on now is full of unknowns and possibilities and risks. It may be a real dosey of challenge..or maybe not...we're only in to it a week now and we're taking a careful pulse of the situation frequently.
My Builder and I are promising one another to use every precaution and to monitor the risks closely..for this is new to us...choosing to be apart for long periods of time.
Most of you have probably already heard that I packed up my hiking clothes and an expensive bottle of sunscreen, a few books, laptop and trusty Keens...the bare necessities of life...and headed to St George to hike once more.
This was not a spur of the moment decision. My Builder and I carefully weighed the pros and cons of a seemingly rash and selfish decision. We've been back and forth on what we hope have been all the reasons for..or against such a decision. We've talked to people who have done similar things. The wise ones told us to be cautious...to be mindful of one another..even more than before. To be vigilant for the signs and warnings of a deterioration in our relationship.
So everyday Im mindful of proceeding with a possibly risky decision with caution. When I throw my arms up in joyful exhaltation while trudging through the sand because  I've landed back in paradise...I then rein myself in and remember that this is a trial...a great and wonderful trial so see if it'll work...me being here and My Builder being there. Im running with it with all my heart...but its a wait and see kind of thing...and thats only fair. My days here are a gift, and Im going to treat them as such. My parents are generous to have me take over a corner of their home. Desert Cliffs is generous to have me on the hiking schedule as often as they can. My Builder sent me here with his blessing.  Anna is probably scratching her head and wondering whats up with her mom...but its all good... so far!!
Its hard to explain how good it feels to be back.
To be helpful
competent in something
knowledgeable
happy
healthy
sunburned
sore
happy
fully engaged
purposeful
happy
fit(er)
alert
and observant
May proceeding with caution still always include a random happy dance along the way!!

Sabbath Musings

“It is true that I do not speak as well as I can think.

 But that is true of most people, as nearly as I can tell.”

from: The Poisonwood Bible

by:  Barbara Kingsolver

(Last week I had to speak in Church..along with my whole Relief Society Presidency. This is what I said. Its a little out in left field..but I guess thats nothing new.)

In 2009 a new element was added to our church’s mission statement.   And I have now also learned that it is now no longer called the mission statement but rather its now referred to as our 4 “purposes.”

This fourth component is :  to help the poor and the needy

There are times in our life when helping others looks different than at other times… Sometimes our circumstances make us feel less able to help others  or to help in  ways we are accustomed.  Lately I personally take comfort in the scripture found in Mosiah 4:24

 And again, I say unto the poor, ye who have not and yet have
sufficient, that ye remain from day to day; I mean all you who
deny the beggar, because ye have not; I would that ye say in your
hearts that: I give not because I have not, but if I had I would
give.

But as I began preparing for this talk I immediately I came across another lovely scripture.  Mostly this scripture is used when talking about fasting…but I have found it most helpful in thinking about helping others in addition to fasting …which I believe are two practices that are tightly knit together.

So here is Isaiah…which of course I have completely  overlooked all these years..for in the past it has been easy to just skip over these difficult chapters.

  Isaiah 58:6-11  It reads like this:

6 Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?

 7 Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?

 8 ¶Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy rearward.

 9 Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am

 10 And if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul; then shall thy light rise in obscurity, and thy darkness be as the noonday:

 11 And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.

Look at that…I must be becoming a grown – up…I understood a lot of this!

And even though it  sound like its all about the blessings of fasting ….  I just haven’t been able to let it go.  All I heard are the  blessing and promises for us,  if we fast and make fast offerings to the Lord. 

We all have heard it once if not a million times that we should lift our fellow man.  Just the other day at a RS training meeting we heard it again from our dear Stake President that our main duty in this life is to lift one anothers burdens and to help those whose arms hang down. We know that that was Jesus’s main ministry while on earth…He mainly went about helping the downtrodden and the lowly at heart. We know what is expected of us.  But here are some vrs of scripture that sound new and fresh and full of promises.

Here is what I heard in my head when I read these verses:

In verse 6-7 6 Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?

 7 Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?

Here are four clear actions ; (1) giving bread to the hungry, where bread represents food in a general sense of course; (2nd) assisting the poor is always a  good thing; (3rd) would be covering the naked, meaning providing the destitute with clothing; and (4th) helping family members in need, or in Isaiah's words, "[hiding] not thyself from thine own flesh." These are four actions which also happen to be the essence of pure religion..or as I’ve read Pres McKay words, these are acts of a spiritual person. Those who do these things will receive God's blessings. Isaiah lists some of those blessings. For example, our fasting  (or helping others) will be recognized and our prayers will be heard for doing so.

In verse:11 we read:

And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.

This verse describes four blessings to those who live this true law before the Lord:,

The Lord will guide us, he will satisfy our souls in drought, he will make fat our bones, and he will make us like a watered garden or spring of water. The Lord can and does provide living water in times of spiritual drought if we help others.  And did you know that bones were and are considered the gauge of the body's vitality—they become dry and brittle with age and illness but are moist and supple with youth, health, and vigor.  My bones seem to creak now…a sensation I suppose I need to get used to.  So I wouldn’t mind some fat bones at this point in my life, some vigor and suppleness would be a great blessing. Bones that are made fat are renewed .("Make fat thy bones" might also refer to the resurrection, when dead bones will be renewed with life.) I would certainly appreciate these blessings! And if lifting others burdens is the requirement for such blessing…Im happy to do my part!!

The metaphor that Isaiah uses also says the righteous-or the givers of help- will be like a "watered garden" and a "spring." In a garden, water, the source of life, often comes from the outside. This can also be said for the righteous, who receive sustenance from the Lord or give service for the Lords sake. Jesus said, in John 7:38 "He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water"  It is my desire to be an instrument of  the Lord and share what I have been blessed with to help our Savior….to try and be His hands.

So,,, if caring for and about  the poor and the needy first begins in our hearts…even if starts with just having a desire to help…then I hope to take the next  leap of faith and find solace in the idea that paying ones fast offerings and tithes, which might be the only thing we can do at some  points in our lives…. If we do this  with our hearts set on helping instead of just ‘going without food’…then we are truly helping and lifting others.  We will indeed truly help. ..with the added benefit that we cant help but grow spiritually ourselves for acting with such faith.  Thus we will, in part, be fulfilling the 4th purpose of the church. …Lifting others and helping the poor and needy…Acting in this way will plant us firmly on the path to what Pres McKay taught ….-when he said…

“The development of our spiritual nature should concern us most. Spirituality is the highest acquisition of the soul, the divine in man….There is more spirituality expressed in giving than in receiving. The greatest spiritual blessing comes from helping another” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1936). 

What a blessing it is to be able to help and fulfill our baptismal covenants by mourning with those that mourn and to comfort those that stand in need of comfort.

President Uckdorf said:

“As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.”  

Jesus didnt just speak about love; He showed it every day of His life. He did not remove Himself from the crowd. Being amidst the people, Jesus reached out to the one. He rescued the lost. He didn’t just teach a class about reaching out in love and then delegate the actual work to others. He not only taught but also showed us how to “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.”

It is my prayer that we can all find our own individual ways to reach out and help the poor and the needy.  There are as many ways to help as there are needs and individuals to help.  May we look to our talents and abilities and magnify them in ways that will help others and in turn our acts of service will help us develop our own spirituality.  Truly that is one of our main purposes for life here on earth…to lift others and to learn to be more selfless 

Revisiting That Old Nemesis....Prayer

"...its true that I really had, I still do have all these

problems.  There is no way that they will go away

 for me.  But I deal with them the way I can." He lifted 

 his chin.  "And Im very happy with the way I deal with them.

from: Strength In What Remains

by: Tracy Kidder

My heart and soul speaks to God..or "prays" to Heavenly Father.  But...I guess we are not just 'wraith- like' souls who happen to be stuck in bodies for a while; we are human beings, made  of body and soul, and whatever we do, we should do with our whole beings. This may be something unique to Mormonism, this belief we are only 'whole' with both body and soul together.  (Christ came to the earth to experience life with a body, with all its foibles and challenges.)

So when I pray, I should try  to pray with my  body as well as with my mind and heart. Kneeling in prayer is an obvious way to do this....though always such a challenge for me. (why is this!!!!???)  And I've mentioned this before...in finding another way to pray.... praying with some already written prayers that I have been collecting....I'm thinking I should now say the words out loud.

I’ll  admit that this is sometimes inconvenient.  There are many times I can’t very well go into my closet, as Jesus tells us to do, a pray aloud.  I cant/wont climb up on a tower as Nephi did and shout my prayers to heaven... but I can at least whisper them under my breathe...or..say the words silently, but really say them. I can move my lips. It still feels  odd to me, but I hope to get used to it. This way I’m really praying with my body. And, there are two more advantages to this technique.  First, I find if I read the prayers silently to myself, in my head, its easy to skim them; moving my lips slows me down and helps me to pay attention. Second, if someone walks in while Im praying and sees me moving my lips while looking at my 'prayer book', they can easily guess that Im concentrating on something important and I  may be be left alone until Im finished. At least, that’s the hope. 

That's  two more cents from me on the subject. 

Happy Sabbath to you.

Sabbath Musings

The Legend of the Saguaro

It is said by some that the Saguaro cactus, which fill the American southwest, are actually the reincarnated spirits of Native American warriors that have chosen to come back and aid their decedents.

They stand as the guardians. Their spines protect the water that is within them, preserving the life of the desert. Their arms reach heavenward, as if in supplication to the Creator for the light and moisture which they receive from  Him.

They are reminders of the past and examples for the future. In our walking through life, they remain steadfast and immoveable. They are a reminder of the influence of our ancestors and that our true strength comes from the Creator.

In our walking, may we look to the Saguaro and remember the steadfastness our ancestors. And may we, like them, reach heavenward for strength from the Creator.

Sunday Musings

Focus and Priorities
Elder Dallin H. Oaks
April 2001

We have thousands of times more available information than Thomas Jefferson or Abraham Lincoln. Yet which of us would think ourselves a thousand times more educated or more serviceable to our fellowmen than they? The sublime quality of what these two men gave to us—including the Declaration of Independence and the Gettysburg Address—was not attributable to their great resources of information, for their libraries were comparatively small by our standards. Theirs was the wise and inspired use of a limited amount of information.

Available information wisely used is far more valuable than multiplied information allowed to lie fallow.

...that which we manifest is before us; 

we are the creators of our own destiny. 

Be it through intention or ignorance, our 

successes and our failures have been 

brought on by none other than ourselves.

 from: The Art of Racing in the Rain 

by: Garth Stein

 grandparents of the groom!!

 Choices for their 'last meal" as singles.

 yea yea...the wind was blowing...

 beautiful mother and daughter!

LOVE these two!!
What a happy celebration.


Good Advice for the Newlyweds:
*Talk, Talk, Talk!!  There is no such thing as too much communication.  Talk about the small things and the big things like money and sex and how you are feeling.
*Mix it up a bit...dont get stuck in a rut...focus on each other...make it a point!!
*Save money!! Avoid debt like the plague!!  Keep an eye on the future.
*Keep looking good for each other.  Dress it up sometimes!!
*Remember that you still need a social life!! Keep a hold of your friends and family!!!
*Remember Josh...and repeat after me..."Yes dear."
*Dont forget that there is a season for everything...Basketball season, baseball season, football season, etc.
*A way to a mans heart is through his stomach and the bedroom.
*Pray together
*Learn to love each other's family!
*Jordan....read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands!!! Its the book I wish I had read at the beginning of our marriage. Its fantastic!!
* Remember that  true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship. The person you choose to marry  deserves  the courtesies and kindnesses you lavish on your  friends.
*Have fun together!!
*Make the big decisions together!!
*Tell each other that you love each other EVERY DAY.
*Tell each other WHY you love each other every day!!!
*Never give the same reason twice as to why you love each other.
*Never speaking evil of the Lord's anointed also means not speaking evil of each other.

If anyone else feels so inclined...please share with us what your best advise is for beginning a life together.

.

MIMI MONDAY

Dear Daughter/Son,
It has only been hours since your dad and I were in the delivery room anticipating your arrival.  We had a tape
recorder with us to capture your first cry, and we recorded messages to you while we waited..."its a wonderful day to come from heaven." and "we're looking forward to you, whomever you are."
Then you first gasping for breath, the high-pitched, panicked squall of the newborn.  We marvel at your toes and tiny fingers; judge you, with all the objectivity of parents, as remarkably beautiful.
Now I am holding you in my arms, getting acquainted and trying to memorize every detail of your face.  No matter how tall you are, how independent you'll be the day you stride out of my arms, and into the world, I wont be able  to forget that I saw you first this way.
A clerk came into the room to fill out the birth certificate.  When  she asks about your name, I cannot say. Naming someone tends to define them and I wish  you could help me.  What shall we call you?  I want to ask, for I know that however much you seem a baby, you are an ancient spirit who has already lived an eternity.  Hugging you, I am awed and overjoyed as you look around with a furrowed, puzzled look, wondering  where you've come.  Should I tell you?  I often wonder where I've come too, and I am puzzled by the world. I thought I was coming here for a Sunday School picnic and it has turned out to be Green Beret training.  So, please excuse me if I dont know all the answers.  Forgive me when I stumble, Im just feeling my way along here too.
But I can tell you some things.  The earth was made for you to love, and you will too, if you learn to appreciate small things.  Andrew Wyeth once said he'd give anything to have gift enough to paint the colors he saw under a wheat stalk, for they drove  him wild with joy.  Most of us dont see so much there.  Yet dear child, if you would be happy, make life a series of small celebrations.  Dont keep your joy only for sunshine days or four-star events, putting happiness on hold for some fuzzy future.  Love every minute that you can...all the quiet times when the chili sauce brews on the stove and clock ticks, when you slide into crisp sheets or first open a new book.  Love life in its variety and don't demand that it produce only one kind of heady experience for you. 
I dont wish hard times away from you for they will give you growth, the very essence of this experience.  Remember in the midst of such moments, that they will pass.  Since it is too much to expect safety, act with courage.  "Life is a bold adventure or it is nothing."  You can solve the problems you will face.  That's why you came. 
Use your agency while you are here.  Don't blame circumstances for what happens to you.  Don't say, "I couldnt help it or he made me do it."  Be responsible for who you are.  Get out of the fray with the dust on your face and make good things happen.  Don't  drift along as if life were too much for you.
But most of all, remember that you are not alone. No matter what comes into your life, I will always love you. I will think you are the best basketball player when you dont score a point, listen only for your voice in the school chorus, and sit on my hands to keep from applauding after your first Sunday School talk.  And far more important, you will never be alone because God loves you.  Sometimes that will be the only thing you can cling to.
I wish you the energy that having a worthwhile dream will lend: the heart to help a brother: the patience to see things to their end: the faith to hold you fast in uncertainty: and the power of forgiveness that you may never be stooped with grudges.
Last of all, I make you a promise.  I promise to delight in you and not wish to make you someone else.  I promise to be consistent in my word.  I promise you 20,000 meals, 5 thousand batches of laundry and countless lullabies.  I promise to teach you the Gospel.  
But there's one thing I dont promise.  I wont promise not to cry the day you get too big to need me.
Love,




(I did not write this...but I've had it in my file for years!)

MIMI MONDAY

Books say: She did this because. Life says: She did this.

 Books are where things are explained to you; life is

 where things arent. Im not surprised some people prefer books.

 -Julian Barnes

I've done some research;  for it turns out that my daughter is a worry-wort.  She's going to receive one of these books as a gift.  The rest of them Im going to encourage her to check out of the library.  If I cant convince her to take a chill pill, then maybe one of these wise women  can help her set down some of her anxieties.  All of these books come highly recommended.  (there are so many out there to choose from...its nice to get some personal recommendations.)  

One of America's most celebrated writers takes you home to a family and a small town so funny and unpredictable, you'd wish it were your own. "As warm as it is hilarious and believable . . . Never has the state of domestic chaos been so perfectly illuminated."--The New York Times Book Review.

Every mother should read this book. It brought back all the joy and frustrations of mothering babies and toddlers. There is a gem on almost every page. If you have a pregnant friend this book is a wonderful shower present. I want to read the authors poetry books after reading this book of letters.

In the delightfully candid, outlandishly funny Waiting for Birdy, Newman charts the year she anticipated the birth of her second child while also coping with the realities of raising a toddler. As she navigates life with her existentially curious and heartbreakingly sweet three-year-old, and her doozy of a pregnancy, she lends her irresistibly unique voice to the secret thoughts and fears of parents everywhere. Filled with quirky warmth and razor-sharp wit, Waiting for Birdy captures the universal wonder, terror, humor, and tenderness of raising a family.  review found here

I chose this one for the Book Discussion group because I was looking for a memoir and I remembered really liking this when I read it 21 years ago on the eve of Gabe's birth. I liked it just as much the second time around and reading it again now, on the eve of Gabe's transition into adulthood, made me realize what an impact this book has had on my life and the way I have raised my children. 

When I read it the first time, I kept thinking about how I spent too much of my own childhood watching Gilligan's Island instead of following my passions. Looking back on my sons' childhoods, I think they are a little closer to Dillard's than mine was. This may largely be due to our decision to get rid of the TV for several years while they were growing up. 

Anyway, I once again really enjoyed Dillard's ability to turn a phrase, her humor, her insights, and her images. Her description of the crippled moth has remained with me all these years. I was happy to be reminded of "Terwilliger bunts one" and her "hopes for her rough edges." The good news, as Dillard reminds me is that our "waking up" to ourselves is a continual process that can last through childhood and beyond.(less)  review found here

I just finished this last night, and I plan to go back through it again. It's one of the better books on raising children that I've ever read. Mogel is a child psychologist with a definite slant--for her, a lot of the answers to parenting problems lie in encouraging spiritual growth, in ourselves and in our children. You don't have to be Jewish to find great material in this book--I'm not--but you definitely need to accept the premise that human beings are happier in a spiritually enriched environment. review found here

Enright tells it like it is and she is witty, incredibly open and very moving. Much of the book was written in pieces while her baby daughter was sleeping in the same room. She writes about the beauty and strangeness of pregnancy, the vulnerability of mothers giving birth, and the joy and tediousness of having someone utterly dependent on you for sustenance. She’s also very funny, particularly when writing about “how to get trolleyed while breast-feeding”, cleaning obsessions and the difficulties of choosing just the right buggy. Enright eloquently explores her love for her daughter and son and writes intimately about the changes that happen in a relationship when children are born. 

I’ve read several memoirs of pregnancy and motherhood and this is one of the most original and candid I’ve come across. I can’t wait to get my hands on Anne Enright’s other books.  review found here

 The experience of motherhood is an experience in contradiction. It is commonplace and it is impossible to imagine. It is prosaic and it is mysterious. It is at once banal, bizarre, compelling, tedious, comic, and catastrophic. To become a mother is to become the chief actor in a drama of human existence to which no one turns up. It is the process by which an ordinary life is transformed unseen into a story of strange and powerful passions, of love and servitude, of confinement and compassion. Cusk’s account of a year of modern motherhood becomes many stories: a farewell to freedom, sleep, and time; a lesson in humility and hard work; a journey to the roots of love; a meditation on madness and mortality; and most of all a sentimental education in babies, books, toddler groups, bad advice, crying, breastfeeding, and never being alone. review found here.

and lastly but certainly not least...and probably the best of all...for Anne never fails me...
This is the one for Anna!!
Happy reading daughter!!!
Happy parenting too!!

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MIMI MONDAY:

There has been time for contemplation while we wait here for baby Ben to arrive.  Resting my hand on Anna's belly, feeling Ben move around...brings back dear memories.  Its been a while.
20 years to be exact. sigh
One gets to thinking what you want for these beautiful children that make our life so good.


May you not sweat the small stuff.
May you always lend a hand to those in need; lift  a heavy load.
May your dreams come true.
May you love and honor your parents and they you.
May you enjoy lifes' journey.
May you make righteous choices.
May you see truth and act.
May you be brave and strong.
May you find joy in simple things.
May you learn to love without conditions.
May you appreciate work.
May you dance without restraint.
May you be creative.
May you find joy in learning.

Love is not so much a matter of romance

as it is a matter of anxious concern for

the well being of one's companion.

from: Jane Eyre

by: Charlotte Bronte

Several years ago, Gary Chapman wrote a book entitled The Five Love Language: The Secret to Love That Lasts. This book introduced thousands of couples to the idea that each individual gives and receives love in different ways, or languages. Although most of us “speak” all the languages, there is normally one specific language that meets our deepest emotional need. Chapman argues that the key to a successful relationship is identifying each other’s love language then tailoring the ways that you show love.

This same principle can also be translated to the ways that we demonstrate our love to our children. Just like adults, children show and receive love differently.

Here are the five love languages as identified by Gary Chapman:

 Words of Affirmation: Complimenting and praising our children is fundamentally important to their feeling of self-worth. We must be careful to affirm and praise them for who they are, not what they do. Like everyone, children are going to make mistakes and need to know that we will love them regardless. Words such as, “You have such a strong work ethic” or “I love the way you show kindness to others” are much more effective than empty praises like “Great job!”

 Physical Touch: Children need affection in order to grow into emotionally-healthy adults. Hugging and kissing your child appropriately is an important indicator of love. When we show our child affection, this demonstrates that they are worthy of our love. Likewise, many children also show their love through the affection shown to peers and adults.

 Quality Time: This is probably the most important love language for most children. When we make time to spend with our children, we validate their importance in our lives. One of our most precious treasures is time…and when we choose to spend it with our children, we are therefore showing them that they are our most precious treasure. Make time to spend with your child and everybody wins!

 Gifts: Small tokens of love are important to a child; not necessarily just for birthdays or holidays, but at random times throughout the year. We must walk a fine line as parents, however, because we don’t want our children feel entitled to receiving “things”. Nor should we feel guilty because they do not have everything friends or neighbors have. We can’t buy their love, but we can demonstrate our love through small tokens of thoughtfulness. On the flip side, children who love to make crafts or cards for others are demonstrating the love language of gift-giving!

 Acts of Service: Though sometimes children overlook acts of service as simply “what parents should do”, these acts speak love all the same. Making dinner, taking him to soccer practice, and doing her laundry are all acts of love…whether they recognize it or not.

It’s important to recognize the way that your child gives and receives love. One way to pinpoint your child’s love language is to observe how he/she expresses love to you and others. Most often, the way that we express love to others is the love language that we speak most fluently. Listen to your child’s requests and complaints. If he is always asking to play a game with you or he complains about not having enough time together, he’s probably demonstrating his need for quality time. If she constantly showers you with kisses and loves to get them in return, her love language is probably physical touch.  Keep in mind that your child’s love language could very well be completely different from yours and make a commitment to try to show them love in his/her own language.  

None of us comes to this earth to gain our worth; 

we bring it with us!

-Sheri Dew

is for Individual Worth....




Watching our favorite Christmas classic will do it...
Working with the Young Women will do it..
Walking with people from all over the country, from all walks of life will bring it too.


Some of us need a reminder of other people's worth, and sometimes we need to be reminded of our own worth. The former requires living the Golden Rule.  (it seems like nobody ever talks about the Golden Rule anymore. Why is that?!  Soon there may be a whole generation that doesnt know what it is....To Do Unto Others As You Would Have Done Unto You.)   
Both requires a knowledge of who you are, what is our purpose, and where the heck are we going!?
I think  knowing that each of us is a beloved child of God, made in His image, naturally has us step up to the plate.
Practicing the Golden Rule and learning just who you are in the grand scheme of things, are both difficult lessons to learn.  Even now I am repenting for what I wrote about some unnamed guests  we had a few weeks ago.  I had no right to judge them so harshly.  God loves them as much as He loves me.  I will attempt to never do that again.


Teaching sensitive Young Women of their individual worth is my main focus in life right now.  And its no easy task.  Life for teenagers is fairly brutal these days. Maybe it has been for eons of time...I dont know.  I do know that if given a chance to go back and do teenagedom again....I wouldnt touch it with a ten foot pole!!  For some reason the stakes seem higher these days for our youth.


My Christmas wish this year is that all of us could KNOW and remember and believe what the below quote is saying to each of us...especially to the women of the world, about our power, influence and possibilities in this life.  This is what an apostle of the Lord has to say about our worth!


"Every [person] who stands for truth and righteousness diminishes the influence of evil.  Every woman who strengthens and protect her family is doing the work of God.  Every woman who lives as a woman of God becomes a beacon for others to follow and plants seeds of righteous influence that will be harvested for decades to come."  -M. Russell Ballard


I want "my girls" to know that they each mean the world to me.  That I will love them no matter what. That I love them when its easy to love them and I love them when its not so easy.  And I love them because- they each have unique talents and gifts from God to share with the world.  I love them for the challenge it is to learning who they are and envisioning their possibilities.  I love them because I have been blessed with "spiritual eyes" to see that they truly are children of our Heavenly Father who loves them with perfect love.  I love them because Im supposed to...a blessing that comes with the 'calling.' My heart has been opened to receive them and to try and give them what they need.  I love them because I serve them.




My wish making continues...
that none of us have to stand percariously on the edge of certain death,on a cold, deserted bridge,  before we learn of our great worth.  That we can all come to know of our worth to others and of our own great worth to God and ourselves.   And that we may all take some time to learn of our purposes here and to embrace our gifts and talents  which we have been gifted, and go and do!!  Remembering  our Heavenly Heritage will take us a long way towards a healthy self esteem dont ya think!!!?

Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee;

and before  thou camest forth out of the womb

I sanctified thee...

Jeremiah 1:5

I know I treat people differently and am kinder to myself when I remember that I was loved and cherished before  I even came here to live and learn.  And knowing that you were there with me makes it sweeter still!!!


Remember, The worth of souls is great in the sight of God!!!
And your dear soul counts!!!


If you'd like to hear a silly song on the Golden Rule, go Here.




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