Bereavement is the unwelcome current that forced you
to an unintended harbor. But, here, perhaps, the
vessel lies that will carry you onward
to the place where you were always meant to go.
from: Caleb's Crossing
by: Geraldine Brooks
Those that know me..have known quite plainly that My Builder and I have been on a tempestuous journey these last 3-4 years. I havent been quite silent about our woes.
Nothing has gone as we envisioned. This road is unfamiliar...and sometimes difficult....and long, long, long--requiring much patience.
Having said this about myself I realize as the same time that most people I know can say the exact same things. I am not unique. (no kidding)
All us seem to be saying these same things:
"nothing is for sure."
"Who pulled the rug out from under us!!!??"
I add to the list of questions, this poignant inquiry:
Why does the most faithful, devout, valiant man I know and love, My Builder, have to struggle so??!!
....and on and on and on I can go...and have gone.
There are still no answers coming my way. Heaven is silent for me. But Im assuming that its mostly my fault that it seems this way, for I have NOT remained valiant, faithful, humble or devout. I have struggled mightily with hope, faith and patience and understanding.
But I feel a glimmer of light on the horizon...for no apparent reason. There is no explanation or change in me, except for a softening of my own heart. The reasons for this warming of my heart may be mystical/spiritual or worldly...for both are connected...for everything is spiritual. After 3 years of what has felt at times like outer darkness...I feel a shift...in me.
Here are a few things I may attribute this change of heart to:
#1 a better job. I do miss my friends at The Grill, but I do NOT miss the work. Every day I appreciate my PE job. What a great gig it is!! And I choose to believe that it was the 'inspiration' of a great lady to tell me to apply. How glorious it is to fall in love with 340 kids!! How can that not do anything but soften this heart of mine?
#2 winter began mercifully mild this year. I know it will get worse...it already has...but I appreciated every warm, sunny December day.
And lastly, but probably most importantly, we have our own little home. I call it fondly- our tiny home.
I will probably always feel just a tinge of shame (for pride yet yields its ugly head) when I have to say out loud that I live in a trailer park, in a puke green mobile home, 8th down on the right. But as soon as I step indoors, its home, its cozy and nice.
So dont tell anyone...but Im truly enjoying our tiny home!!
It turns out that the simple life is good for me.
I enjoying lessening our footprint and letting go of stuff!!
I enjoying even more having no cause to accumulate stuff either!! For there is no room!!!
Tiny home is easy to keep clean.
We have amazing views here..of both mountain ranges. 360derees of beauty!
The financial freedom is liberating and a gift. We have no worries on that account. Its payed for!!
Rain on the tiny homes' metal roof is a lovely thing.
The tiny home has someone else to take care of the yard...mowing and watering are no longer our responsibility.
I havent a clue, not one morsel of a clue what the future holds for us...but...Tiny home is a blessing..and Im grateful for it right now.