Expectations is the place you must always go to
before you get to where you're going. Of course,
some people never go beyond Expectations, but my
job is to hurry them along whether they like it or not.
from: Phantom Tollbooth
by: Norton Juster
People have wondered where I've gone...
Why Im not writing..
Well the short answer is .... "its complicated."
The next easiest answer is..."I lost my 'voice,' my muse, my inspiration.
In other words- the wind was taken from my sails.
But I miss it...a lot.
Lately I've been searching for a new muse, a new direction, a new ' look.'
I may be sneaking up on something.
As most everyone knows, Im no longer gathering coral dust between my toes. (instead Im acquiring a filmy layer of grease and grime on my beloved hiking shoes, from The Grill.)
Life without my red rock and sun and a constant supply of vitamin D that I once enjoyed has now turned into a search for tender mercies that I know are freely given..from my new vantage point here in 'outer darkness.' (My pasty white skin and flabby muscles will attest to the changes going on in my life too.)
Im a broken woman. I've been humbled. But I read in the scriptures that having a broken heart and contrite spirit means having a heart that has been split wide open to let new and wonderful enlightenment enter to in..manifesting God's love to me.
I have days when I feel Im in the pit of despair.
I've wallowed well in self-pity.
I've ached for what I no longer have, until Im sick.
I've been angry and bitter and not to nice to live with sometimes.
And yet somehow I have kept some hope alive. For without hope, what would become of me?
..a constantly bitter, wallowing woman...going nowhere fast...not a pretty picture.
So I now see myself becoming a collector of miracles..of tender mercies that touch my broken heart.
There will be small and magnificent miracles documented here...from this time forth.
I wont be seeing them on hiking trails any longer...(at least not until spring) But I will see them. I see them now, all around me.
A BFF of mine suggested a 'miracle calender.' But Im attached to blogging..so Im going to keep track here and share what I learn with you...and hopefully you can 'share' your miracles with me too.
Tomorrow (or the next day) I will begin!
It'll be a list of what I now fondly call our "wedding miracles"
Its a lengthy list. And Im looking forward to sharing it with you.
It feels good to be back!!
I have felt your love and encouragement and its GREATLY appreciated.
Peace out Friends!