Stephenson Family Ties The Barn Burnt Down
And Now I See The Moon
Privately, Lucky, admired snakes because they were very,
very highly adapted to their habitat.  One amazing true
fact she had read was that snakes actually started out as
creatures with legs. but evolved to not having legs because
they could move around better without them.  In fact, Lucky
figured the average person went around thinking "those
poor snakes sure have been waiting a long time to evolve
some legs."  She would never have guessed not having 
legs would be better than having them.
from: The Higher Power of Lucky
by: Susan Patron

When I lie down at night, on a mattress that feels suspicioiusly  like lying on a sandy  beach, (its one of those expensive foam pads that mold to your shape) sleep evades me.  Ben's newborn habits upstairs dont affect me much, for I think they work hard not to disturb me, which is ridiculues...'cause I wish to help and not be a burden. Sleep just isnt coming as easily as it once did...say a month ago.  Instead I stare at the ceiling unable to turn off my brain and wonder about this huge change taking place in my life and in the life of My Builder.  I get to puzzling about a lot of random things.
Logan, Utah  isn't a a large town, not by any stretch of the imagination. 50, 000 people live here..and that includes all the college students.  Im sure you can imagine that such a small place doesnt take much time see and become acquainted with.  This last week or so  I've been doing a lot of driving and looking at potential rentals.  I've been back tracking a lot now...driving down the same streets looking in vain for those illusive rental signs.  While doing so I have learned about the areas I definitely dont want to live near the campus. I cant really see Mimi and Popa living next door to college freshmen.
"Party  tonight in #202!!!  They'll supply the keg, you bring the chips!!!!"
Nope not going there.
I had been  drawn to a couple of sections of town...I kept going back there ...over and over again.  I kept driving around Anna and David's neighborhood.  All the while, my enthusiasm for this change ebbed and flowed. I have always been a fan of change, of stirring things up and seeing what rises to the top.   But this has been tough.  Clark and Brian feel a little homeless now.  We feel bad about this.  Saying goodbye to my darling Young Women is truly going to be difficult and emotional.  And Im still completely in denial about not hiking for Desert Cliffs anymore and seeing all our favorite 'regulars.' This is a bitter pill to swallow, and Im admitting here that I choke on it at least every other night in the dark.
I try to envision the joy and challenge of making a new space a home for us.  Dare I say Im even looking forward to it....after the dreaded mega garage sale we have to pull off this weekend in St George.  Im hoping to reduce our 'stuff' down to one big trailer load and possibly a few pick-up truck loads.  Quite a change from 5000 sq. ft!! Refreshing too, in a sick and twisted kind of way..
And Im happy to report...that yesterday we had success!!  A rental agreement has been signed, sealed and delivered. And get this..the magnet to my favorite area  worked... for we will now be living 3 buildings down from Anna and David and Ben. Plus...we get a months free rent!  The carpets are being cleaned today...and the landlord let us unload the contents of our truck onto the kitchen floor!!  In a few hours we head for home...after the men make a ton of rabbit food. literally
I cant really picture the rabbit food business going fuzzy belly up from here on out.  The demand increases every day for our premo food.  We just have our ever present patience hat precariously perched on our heads and shout encouragement to each other each night after the orders are shipped.  I guess the older I have become the easier this patience thing has become.  I can do this!! I have to do this!!
So its patience and a wool sweater and possibly a sun lamp for me these next days, months, and a few-very few years. Im already missing my St George sun and warmth and friends...
so maybe I'll just have to borrow that mattress of Anna's and imagine myself stretched out on that warm, red sand of home.


Cindy Winward said...


I am in awe of you, always have been and pretty sure, I always will be. Reading your posts is like reading a great novel. Where will Cindy's life's journey take her today, who will she meet, and what challenges will she conquer head on.
I know you love a great book, your life, your amazing life, will be a book that your grandchildren's grandchildren will read. I know this to be true for the sprit told me so....goose bumps all up and down my arms. I love you.

Ann said...

Life has dealt us both more blows than we expected. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that the option to give up, just isn’t viable. Think back on the changes that Grandma had to go through. She lost her husband when he was only 43. She had to move her two children to California, get a job and make a life for everyone. After remarrying she had to move again and make a life back in Salt Lake. No doubt she made mistakes, and we have too, but her girls are resilient and strong, even when we don’t want to be. You’ll land on your feet and eventually, see the blessings that will come from this. Good luck. I’ll keep you in my prayers. Remember, the bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless we refuse to make the turn.

Lisa said...

Wow, the two other comments from Ann and Cindy were so inspiring! Cindy, my heart is full for you, for I know what (and WHO) you are leaving behind. But, I know you and Bob can do it - you are two very strong, wonderful people and you'll be doing amazing things from here on out. Thank you for giving us a piece of your previous life because I'll always think of you as I sit at my grand table. I wish you all the best in your super-duper garage sale (I wish I could be there with cash in hand!) and the move and all that this change involves. I love you, sweetie!

Sharon said...

Can I just say ditto? I really will miss you all when we're in St. George, but hopefullly will see you a lot when we're in Salt Lake! I just wish I could help with it all. Love and hugs to all.