Stephenson Family Ties

(I thought I'd go ahead and share with my"blog world," the talk I gave this morning in Church. It's a little long-sorry.)

The errand of angels is given to women;
And this a gift that as sister, we claim;
To do whatsoever is gentle and human,
To cheer and to bless in humanity’s name.
From: Sisters In Zion
hymn # 309

I’ve been told that Im not a happy, delightful person when Im having to prepare a talk for Sacrament Meeting. I found my family giving me a wide girth whenever they noticed my furrowed brow. I heard it mumbled under a certain someone’s breath that maybe a short vacation was warranted while I prepared. Just let it be known that there are few things I enjoy LESS than public speaking. Very few things. Ironically, one other thing on that short list of dislikes…. Would be Mothers Day!!! Needless to say…it hasn’t been the best of weeks at the Stephenson home. Couple this with the realization that In the next several weeks my nest completely empties of all young life!! And NOW Im ready for my pity party!!! The highlight of this day???? Sitting down when this is through, and a glorious phone call from a much missed missionary son-in Chile!!! Please don’t get me wrong…I LOVE being a mother, I just don’t love Mothers Day. And you should know IM blissfully happy being a grandmother too.
My dear husband has made life and parenthood something joyful beyond measure. I have been greatly blessed in so many ways. Too many to number.

My sweet Anna has a theory that only a returned missionary could concoct, about why speaking in public make s me sick with discomfort…but this would supply enough material for a separate talk, which WONT be happening!!!
But I would like to share a theory I have about why Mothers Day is not my favourite holiday. And Im willing to bet that I am not alone in my opinion in this either.
I find that few people enjoy having all their faults and shortcomings pointed out to them. So its truly a quandary to why there is a national holiday that makes it permissible to do so. We are the gender that seems to thrive on quilt or at least attract it like bugs to a light. I know that I never enjoyed having my mothering skills, or that lack there of, examined from a pulpit. When I was a young mother-it seemed all the fashion to expound on what Molly Mormon Mother should look like. I never resembled the ideal.
I like to compare this discomfort to me going to the Mall. I rarely go to the Mall, but when I do, I quickly discover how very frumpy I am, which Is something Im fairly oblivious to most of the time. Until I go to the Mall, then its glaringly apparent!! The same applies to Mothers Day. I can go along my merry way, trying my best at being a mom, and then low and behold-Mothers Day arrives, opening sore spots, and dumping quilt and causing remorse. Who needs this!!!??? Our own kids do a fine enough job of this.!!!
But now Im older, and wiser, I hope, and enjoy a thicker skin as well. Somewhere along the way I learned that life is NOT a Contest!!! Especially not an Americas Best Mother Contest!! Im not in competition with anyone, and you shouldn’t be either!!!
Those that know me know that Im not a competitive soul. Some of you may think that’s a good thing- many of you may think that makes me a sorry case. I think the jury is still out on whether contests or competitiveness is good, bad or indifferent. But I’ve been asking myself for some time now- these questions.
First- why do we expect everything to be hard?
Second- Does there have to be a winner and thus a looser?
Does someone always come in first, making others last?
Is life really a contest?
Where does this type of competitive nature come from?
I found a cute example of this competitiveness raring its ugly head in an old Womens Conference book.
"if i can save up just a little, i could buy a beautiful widget. And if i had me a really nice widget, make out of quality plastic, and fancier than my neighbour's widget, i think i could be satisfied." So you get yourself a nice widget-a big screen, high-speed, digitised, space-age widget-and you feel great for a while. But you find yourself longing for more things-bigger widgets, fancier widgets. And when you go to your class reunion, you worry that all your old friends have collected more widgets than you have. The worst thing is, you keep telling yourself, "Money cant buy happiness. What really matters to me is family, Church, and friends." And you believe it. But, oh, those widgets. They have siren voices, and they call to you as your drive past the store. You know they're in there, and if you dont get them-on sale- someone else will.
Does being a good mother depend on how many extra-curricular activities planned for Man, our kids are involved in? Is it failure if your child isn’t on the honor roll or on a certain sports team, etc. ETC, ETC!!!
Think about this: when we face our Heavenly Parents, do you think they’ll care about the exciting rat race we’ve been running? Or care that we’re out ahead???!! I think we’ll quickly discover and learn instead that IM exactly as important as you are to Them. And you are exactly as important to them, as I am. Im important. You’re important, and we’re ALL important to our Heavenly Parents!!!
I believe I have finally learned- there can be no competition one with another. There can be no comfort in winning and loosing. Ask yourself why it is that the greatest part of what we LONG for, and compete for, in this world, really doesn’t matter!! Its such a hard lesson to learn. What matters is family, faith, and caring for our fellowmen!
I’ll say it once again--I really am convinced that Life doesn’t have to be hard. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Sure there are peaks and valleys along the way. But I truly believe our Heavenly Father wants us to enjoy the journey!! ( 2 Nephi 2)
Don’t you think its possible – even probable that we moms, who are often going crazy trying to deal with diapers and soccer games and brain dead teenagers-often all at the same time- and are giving it all the very best we can; will we suddenly find ourselves at a finish line as a winner or in a tie, or possibly a looser? OR!!!!.... is it more probable that there is no first? That it wasn’t a contest at all. Isnt it possible that we have nothing to prove to each other? Our test is how well we will love one another. How Christ-like we can become. Isnt it highly probable that we as women will all stand to gain or “win” so much more if we only support and help each other, instead of feeling like we have to win every prize in order to make us feel worth while?? I know that’s not how I enjoy my life-by one upping my fellow female!!! There is no denying that “Lengthening our Stride” is a good thing!!! President Hinckley asked us to be our very best! We understand that we must aim high. I guess Im just suggesting to not feel like one has to WIN the game by leaving others behind- for a game that the WORLD invented by the way, not our loving Heavenly Parents and Savior. I truly do find joy when I strive to be more Christ-like. I find joy in supporting others. Im happier when I think the best of others. Life is good when Im cooperating instead of competing!!! We please our Heavenly Father best when we love one another, when we love our family and when we feed His sheep!! These 3 things aren’t hard to remember-not really. But it does become difficult when we let the competitive world scream in our ears that other things matter more!!! The world screams aggressiveness and greed and the merits of physical beauty for example. Resisting the vacuum-like effect of worrying about beauty is another hard lesson to learn in this world. Realising that outward beauty doesn’t equal happiness is a tough one. The world teaches us differently to be sure. If I buy into this prevalent notion -I’ll never be good enough. THere is ALWAYS someone prettier and thinner and having a better hair day than me!! ALWAYS!!! And the older one gets and the more experience one gets under her belt, you learn that the things that were once pretty and firm do eventually droop and drag, and no amount of cosmetics will help!!! Such is Life!!!
And you don’t really want to get me going on how I feel the world views the sacred roll of motherhood!! The world has ruined Christmas, and I think it has tainted and disqualified the important role of motherhood as well. We’ve all heard the lip service to motherhood that floats in the air around us and feels as insubstantial as dandelion tufts. Oprah spouts off fairly often, flattering words, words that sounds as tinkling brass, through the airwaves about how she believes that Motherhood is the most important job in the world.
President Theodore Roosevelt was quoted as saying- “The good mother, the wise mother…is more important to the community than even the ablest man; her career is more worthy of honor and is more useful to the community than the career of any man, no matter how successful.”
These are wonderful accolades- But I find, here on the ground, here in the trenches, where real mothers live, there is still a great lack of respect and real recognition for what it means to be a mother. Actions and attitudes are speaking much louder than these nice words. Most people (except for here in Utah maybe) Most people, like infants in a crib, take mothering and nurturing, completely for granted. I know you know what I mean. Stay at home moms are equated with “doing nothing” all day long!! We have no stature, we’re viewed as “just Housewives” Everyone seems to agree that we are essential to a healthy civilization, but……….sometimes the flowery tributes feel a little disingenuous.
So I ask you ladies to please remember-we are more divine than we are temporal, and only Satan would have us think otherwise. Satan is waging war against the women of the world, and its coming from all sides. Let us make sure we BELIEVE that we are central to the survival of all that good in this world. Let us not forget what Pres Hinckley told us so tenderly about the divine purpose of women-“ As His final creation, The crowning of His glorious work, He created woman. I like to regard Eve as His masterpiece after all that had gone before, the final great work before He rested from His labors.” Genesis talks so much about all the “good” that was created in the beginning , and then goes on to worry about the one thing that was “not Good” that being Adam without a woman, and remedying it by creating Eve, which was “Very GOOd”
May we find causes to rejoice in our womenhood ladies!! May we stand firm in our conviction that the family unit IS CENTRAL to our Heavenly Parents plan for us. May our eyes be opened to the fact that without the family unit, everything , and I mean everything, else will fail. There can be no compromising with Satan. We are either for him or against Him in his war against the woman and her family and our innate gift of nurturing. And may we know how to teach our families and our girls this important concept as well.
I believe as dear Pres. Kimball did, when he said-“God has placed woman at the very headwaters of the human stream.” Our power and influence as women on society is really sometimes incomprehensible!!! May we pray for strength and guidance. The road ahead will be a difficult one to keep on course.
When a national leader came to visit with a Prophet of God, he was quoted as saying-
"The family is so critical; it is so fundamental to the strength of our civilization, a fact that seems to be forgotten. It is so terribly important. It is our chief source of moral strength, our chief source of physical and emotional health; it is our chief source of protection against adversity. It isthe only institution that guarantees an environment which will insure the perpetuation of principles and concepts that have made us strong.
"I remember a witness," he said, "that was testifying before a Congressional committee about the family, and he said, 'Before you fool around with the family, you'd better realise that all known human societies during the recorded history of mankind have all ended up with a family organisation for the rearing and training of children. Before you try to get rid of it, you'd better find out why all civilisations in history have clung to it."
I am so grateful for the amazing mothers in my life. My own mother who serves tirelessly, day in and day out where-ever she is needed, and Who loves unconditionally.
And there is my dear mother-in-law, who is a powerful example of quiet, prayerful patience.
And to two incredibly beautiful, talented daughter-in-laws who seemed to come to this earth and into married life with more mothering abilities than I ever acquired in all my years of trying!!! It will be women like these that will have the ability and know how to raise a triumphant generation to battle with the evils of this decaying world.
I am so humbled by each of these very important women in my life. And Im so very grateful to know them and love them and to have them love me and to have their examples in my life.
Remember that we woman have been called to do a work for the Lord. And whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies!!