Stephenson Family Ties The Barn Burnt Down
And Now I See The Moon
N is for Narrowing
in other words, contraction.
Are these the words you think of when you hear the word contractions?

abbreviating, abbreviation, abridging, abridgment, compression, condensation, condensing, confinement, confining, constriction, curtailing, curtailment, cutting down, decrease, decreasing, deflating, deflation, diminishing, diminution, drawing together, dwindling, elision, evaporating, evaporation, lessening, lopping, narrowing, omission, omitting, receding, recession, reducing, reduction, shrinkage, shrinking, shrivelling, tensing, tightening, withdrawal, withdrawing

What is urgent is not urgent forever but only
ephemerally.  All work and all love, the search
for wealth and fame, the search for truth, life 
itself, are made up of moments which pass and
become nothing.  Yet through this shaft of nothings
we drive onward with that miraculous vitality that
creates our precarious habitations in the past and the
future. So we live; a spirit that broods and hovers over
the continual death of time, the lost meaning, the 
unrecaptured moment, the unremembered face, until
the final chop chop that ends all our moments and
plunges that spirit back into the void from which it came.
from: Under the Net
by: Iris Murdock

do you think of words like pain, discomfort, withering, "I dont want to do this anymore!!??" or" make it stop!!!" or how about  Intense, or getting miraculous things done in a short amount of time.

I, aka- Cinhiker, aka- Warm Moccasin, aka- Mimi, have labored and delivered beautiful babies- 5 times. Many years ago.
It now seems that I wasnt quite through with laboring.  Im experiencing  it again at age 50 something.  Part of me doesnt recommend it. And then,  after further reflection, there is another part of me that just  might recommend it. 

There are differences of course.  (thank heavens) I dont expect the euphoria that one feels as a brand new baby is laid in your arms after  a birth...
But there is a sense of stretching, lengthening, and rebirth going on here. Life is a little bit more amplified ...and expansive...if thats possible.
Parts of my life are contracting...
Some burdens are being lifted....
A new and different life is on the horizon...
But oh man  its not if any contraction is.
There are some real pains.
Some of the pains are easier to bear than others.
Getting rid of stuff---fairly painless (except the books)
Home---a twinge of discomfort begins
 Zoey cant come---ouch!!! This really hurts!!
Saying goodbye at work---maybe concentrating on a certain spot elsewhere might be helpful. Taking ones mind off it... What have I done to get myself into this position!!!?
Parting from  good friends and loved ones---DEEP cleansing breaths required....Bravery and a stiff upper lip.
Climate change---You may have to call the paramedics for this one
Leaving family--- an epidural please, NOW!!! or a good shot of adrenaline right to the heart might, just might get me through.

Parting with a great deal of crap at the garage sale over the weekend felt similar to those pesky first  contractions that you know are just the beginning.   Having friends and loved ones show up to  express sorrow and love and support... those are the contractions that hurt!! Generous angel friends that bring thoughtful gifts and goodies and words of encouragement is when I find myself wanting to yell, "I DONT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!!"

I believe My Builder thinks I want to do that old Bill Cosby skit thing to him...where the wife wants to pull her husbands bottom  lip up over his head for 'causing ' this whole mess.  I on the other hand have never looked at it that way.  I never ever have.  We have had a wonderful marriage all these years...we've enjoyed the thick and the thin, the sickness and health. He has always been a blessing in my life, since the day I met him, which was, ironically, up in Logan. The two of us have enjoyed many, many wonderful times together and amazing places and experiences together.  As far as Im concerned, this is just another new experience to add to our list.  Im am just ever so  grateful to be with with him as we go through this new "contraction" in our life right now. I have never and will never doubt his ability to provide, love and care for me and our family.  He is a man of great talent and fortitude and determination.  There is truly no one that I would want to "labor" with through this trial than with him.  And I wonder at times what good or even dare I say, better things may be waiting for us at the other end of all this 'contracting.'  The difference I see this time, is that we get to coach each other through these contractions, 'cause this time he too is feeling the pain of  growth and change, this transition.
Stay tuned for what may be 'produced' by our 'pressure waves' or contracting...
I dont know what has the gestational period of 4 years..but whatever it is were working on here, it must be a doozy!!!



Anna said...

Wow, clever mom and amazing. I feel everything for you and I am proud of you...really. :)

Carly Reid said...

you and uncle bob are amazing. you can do this! thinking of you!