Right now I'd like all my troubles to
stand in front of me in a straight line,
and one by one I'd give each a black eye.
from: The Goose Girl
by: Shannon Hale
I really dont want to go to girls camp! And when I say this...im not being trite or cute or whiny. I dont want to go. I have fear and dread in my heart. Anxiety. I m not a camper. I LOVE my girls. Im just not a camper. I dont want to be cold, or sleep anywhere but on a mattress up off the ground, with sheets and clock radio near my head. I dont want to go to bed dreading the middle of the night RUN to the out house, 'cause I gotta pee!! I dont want the dirt and the smoke and the bugs.
To add to discomfort of this camping experience...I now realize that Im not a willing spender of camp funds either. And to make matters even worse... on a larger scale...I have a serious complex about spending church money....period!!! I hate that I have become such a tight wad. I can no longer enjoy even taking the girls out for an ice cream cone.
I dont want to do cutsy things, for they cost money. And to spend the money we spend on girls camp things...ugh!!!
But...I do know that the time and expense is well worth it and even justified in the end!!! Its for the girls. Its for the memories!! Its just me that cant actually go to the store and spend the money. I break out in a sweat!! I get a knot in my stomach. I just cant do it. Im always asking---"Is what Im spending going to be useful, memorable or meaningful?" The answer seems obvious to me..no way--not in the long run!
I dont want a church job that requires spending money! How strange is that? I bet you've never heard that complaint before!!!
Im truly not crafty. Crafty brings the witch out in me. Crafty makes me cranky. I bust my butt on something thats not even very cute and I know its just going to collect dust on a bookshelf in a young womans bedroom and eventually be thrown away. Why do I do this to myself!!!??
I want a vacation. And its not going to happen.
A vacation is not practical.
So... I just dont want to go to girls camp.
ALSO:
I dont ever want to loose a group of hiking guides and hikers...ever, ever again. (they werent lost!!! That doesnt happen under our watch...but they were out of contact with home base for Hours longer than they should have been!! It was getting dark!! good heavens!!!
Im wondering if the kids should travel this weekend. Maybe they should stay put? I hate that!! I want to see them. I want I want I want.
I want to curl up and have next week pass me by with out a camping experience.
I want to know that Clark is good and what he is up to. I want to be able to watch him-. To see through his eyes. Instead..there's no wyfi!!
I want Brian not to have to worry about his face and his acne- 'cause I worry when he's concerned about something.
I want a crystal ball D%^$# it!!
When this many things go wrong in a week...or a day...I WANT A PEPSI!!!
I need Callgon to take me away.
1 comment:
I felt the same dread before we went on Trek. I sooooo didn't want to go. I was resentful that we were supposed to pray for the right weather when all I wanted was to be able to be warm at night and cool all day. I worked myself up in a frenzy before we left and just kept wishing the days away. It turned out alright, only because I know the Lord knows I would never go to anything like that again if it hadn't. :)
I'm feeling more and more like you about spending money on activities as well. I want to make sure that what we do and spend our time and money on matters...and that it's something that impacts us enough that we take it with us forever. Not just something cutsy to sit on a shelf and collect dust.
They must have gone and done the huge white rock loop yesterday? Jealous and scared at the same time! I probably would have freaked out if I knew it was getting dark and they still weren't back. At least they were with super fantastic guides right? Whew!
I would love to see Africa through Clark's eyes. What an amazing opportunity for him. I hope he takes a lot of pictures.
And I'd be happy to give your troubles a big black eye if I can! I'm happy to lend you as much comfy camping gear as possible! :)
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