Stephenson Family Ties

For a naked man to drag a shrieking, clawing

man-eater forth from a window by the tail

to save a strange white girl, was indeed

the last word in heroism.

from: Tarzan of the Apes

by: Edgar Rice Burroughs

(scared but magnificent!!)

Its my birthday!!!
And my gift to self...
You'll NEVER guess!

Its a revel, a resolution, and a resolve.

Here it goes...

I have addictive tendencies!!!
I have that pesky, nasty gene swimming around in my DNA soup.
And it rears its ugly head, manifesting itself as I find myself arguing in my head, at least 3-4 times a week, about why and why  I shouldn't give up my beloved Pepsi.
If you could connect a microphone to the source of my conversations in my head, you'd hear this:  " Am I strong or weak?"  Can I or can't I give this up?  What the heck will I replace this delightful refreshment with?  There is nothing else on the planet I enjoy more!!  Maybe if I just limit myself to one 16 oz drink a day...?  Maybe if I just limit myself  to when I go out, on special occasions...?  D*@# it!!!  Why cant I just enjoy the one thing that gives me so much pleasure and satisfaction!!!?? Its not hurting anyone!!! Yeh, yeh,  I know!! Im drinking  my calories- and a LOT of them!!! I bet I'll loose weight if I quit.  Think of the headache I'll have to endure if I quit.  I dont need a headache today. I cant afford to have a head ache today.  Maybe I should wait until the heat of the summer is gone...  Pepsi is so refreshing and yummy after a good hike!! Its so rejuvenating!!!  Come on!!! Everyone dose it !!"
So there it is- a tiny glimpse into my stream of consciousness- when dealing with my addiction to Pepsi. Crazy stuff.
Its a long standing joke in Mormondom...this loophole we have about drinking our caffeine cold.
We dont drink coffee or tea- heaven forbid- literally!!!
But we do drink Coke and Pepsi and Mountain Dew by the gallons here in Utah. For some reason we feel its ok- getting our buzz from our sodas.

I know, I know, you've heard all this before. Im sounding like a broken record.  If I had a tag on my sidebar for  "Pepsi" or "resolutions" or "broken promises" or "weaknesses" there would be numerous entries there!!
Nevertheless, I am here... on my birthday,  writing that I am once again, publicly stating, that I am giving up for good this time my addictive propensity for Pepsi.  And for good measure, Im throwing in another vice of mine. Im going to give up the mind numbing computer card game Spider!!! gulp (so what if I felt it helped me keep my brain in its toes.)  I'll just have to find something else to stimulate those synaptic pathways!! Today Im deleting it from my computer's tool bar!!
I realize that your opinion of me may now be lowered...for you have heard this all before...but thats ok.  Im not doing this for you.  This is now an exercise of faith, of striving to be stronger, and of doing hard things.  And for those of you out there that dont have addictive tendencies...you have no idea what this means or even feels like, and thats ok too.  'Cause guess what!!!??  Im going to share with you my pain all along the way.
oh boy
Im going to treat you to my stream of consciousness. Im going public with my rants and my feeling sorry for myself. It all will flow freely here on my blog when it rears its whiny self.
But please understand my main motive for this...
I want to be able to know that I can do hard things. And to also have you know that Im practicing faith in action. I know that I will be blessed in and for my efforts and that I can be helped in my weaknesses - that they can be made strong.  Because though to you I may sound silly and trite and weak...(those of you who have never had addiction issues) this is a HARD task I have set for myself!!!  But we all have our own  "hard things" that are required of us!!
But truly my motives are very different this time.  VERY different.
I do this for me AND I do this for my family...I need to be an example.
I do this as a sacrifice, to make a 'deal' if you may, with my Heavenly Father.  A covenant of sorts.  Im promising to give these things up in my life, for my sake, plus, in hopes of receiving some much needed blessings. Blessings that we can no longer do without in our little family.  Doesnt it work that way?  I pray, hope, believe that it may!!!  That He may!!!
So here it goes...
DELETE, DELETE, DELETE!!
I've said it before, and I'll plead with you again...pray for me. Pray that I may be strong this time.  Pray for blessing on our family as well.
And those of you out there rolling your eyes right now...because you dont get how all of this seems to be only about Pepsi and card addictions and not about rum and Pepsi or gambling and Vegas...Just know, that no matter what you may be addicted to...its terribly, terribly difficult to overcome!!
I am weak. But I want to be strong.  I want to be in charge of Me!! So your positive thoughts and your prayers will be helpful and probably necessary.
The seriousness of this pledge to myself, and to God and my loved ones is hard to convey right now. But please know there are reasons for this "bargain" with the Lord, and they are real!!!  And we'll just leave it at that for now.
Today I feel strong!! (ask me again tomorrow...ask me again after todays hike)
I am woman!!! And I can and will be strong!!! Hear me Roar!!!  (and hear me whine and complain in the future!)
LOVE YOU ALL AND HAPPY 52 to me!!!
(50's really are the new 30's!!!!!!!)