Just how conflicted was I?? Let me try and draw you a picture.
On one hand you could have found me listening to Bread and James Taylor on my stereo. And then in the next moment, Pink Floyd or Led Zeplin would be spinning on my turn-table. One weekend I could be found standing in line for concert tickets for YES and a month later I could then be found enjoying John Denver at the Cow Palace in San Fransisco!
On Wednesday nights and some Sundays you might be able to catch me within the walls of an LDS church, but during the rest of the week you'd find me hanging our with the less than desirable crowds at the high school.
It was also during this same time that yet another battle was raging within me. It was not the typical struggles of teenage hood,that one expects. Like learning to deal with those pesky hormonal issues or how to carry out the healthy cutting of the ole apron strings. I was finding myself in a conflict of a spiritual nature. Instead of the oh so familiar rebellion against anything my folks wanted, (sorry mom and dad-so sorry) I was feeling an additional conflict in my heart and soul. A Light was attempting to cut through my dark cavernous soul. Was I going to stay firmly rooted in the discontent that I had been experiencing for years!! Or.. was I going to listen to the whisperings in my heart and get out of my comfort zone and do something VERY new!!?? Such as adding religion or MEANING to my life!!!!!! What was a shallow teenage girl to do?? Was I going to continue to cause as much pain and grief for my parents and continue clashing with them and the world?! Was I going to continue to risk my health and well being? Or... would I begin to embrace the obvious??
A life line had been thrown to me-by an obviously all caring, all knowing, all loving Father in Heaven. For months and even years I let that life line drift near by. I'd reach out on occasion and test its' security, its fastness to the Rock. But I'd then let go and try surviving on my own for a time. I found that every single time I tested that line it was always available for the taking and it was always firm, true, and secure. I guess I was an especially dense teenager. I wasnt necessarily looking for angels or even Divine manifestations. I believe I was simply searching for and developing some courage!! Its came ever so slowly, but with MUCH love and encouragement and a vast amount of patience, it did finally become obvious to even ?me that this life line was a FOR SURE THING!!!
You may be wondering who was at the other end of this life-line?
-beside a loving, generous God.



I'm going to try and attempt to name names--as a form of tribute to them. I shudder to think where I'd be without them in my life way back then. Bless you forever dear friends-for I will always call you that, even though I have fallen out of contact with almost all of you. (I think a Los Altos reunion should be organized!!)
Here it goes with the name dropping- Judy Taylor Cox, Kathy Young Kirkham, Craig Isrealsen (he baptized me) Matt Jamison, Jeff Brunken, Sherry Baugh ?, Linda Hill

What an amazing group of young people it was that my loving Heavenly Father set me down among as we landed in California. There truly are no Coincidence's!!! My family and I were gently guided to find the truth and to abate the conflict and to have peace and joy fill the voids of teenage hood.
So to end as I began-on a musical note. Even now, at 40 something- I still enjoy several Led Zeplin tunes and many of the other Classic Rockers. James Taylor will always sooth my soul as well. But nothing, no nothing, sooths me

I send my eternal gratitude out to the world for these great people- Bless them ALL!!!




3 comments:
cindy that post was so amazing! you are such a grateful person and i admire you. i love you!
Cindy,
This is Jeff Brunken. Somehow, your blog showed up on my internet "radar" of key words! Anyway, how fun to see some of the pictures of the kids from the Los Altos Ward. I agree--what a great group. But you were always an anchor! Coincidentally, I am heading back to Los Altos this weekend to attend a ceremony for Leo Long (LAHS track coach and ward member)--they're naming the LAHS track after him this Sunday. It should be a lot of fun--I'm having dinner with Ray Franklin and Matt Pear tomorrow night. Believe it or not, Matt is now the Mayor of Mountain View! I hope life has been good to you--you were always a blessing to those of us around you..
Take care,
-Jeff B.
What a great blog. So sweet to remember and be grateful to those in your past. We all have them, but don't always acknowlege them. Kudos.
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