Stephenson Family Ties

They say no

 plan survives first contact 

with implementation.  I'd have to agree.

from: The Martian

by: Andy Weir

As I contemplate my daughters plea to begin writing again…I ponder why it is that I seem to have lost the ability to put into words what’s going on in my life and in my head.  As you can see, I have attempted several times in the past…and failed to be consistent.  Im sure it’s a 100% a head thing.  I have been feeling sorry for myself for so long, that its now  extremely difficult to climb out of my head and the hole I made for myself.  I now resolve to  begin and to see the light again..and to end the addiction I have to my phone..ie Instagram and Pinterest, and just do this…and be grateful to my daughter for the prod.

And because I love my daughter so, and I do so miss writing, I began a list of things I might be able to write about. 

-Baby Henry

-Annas birth experience

-Pams generously in taking me to California with her

-Clark

-Joe and family

-Robby being a cop

Brian and Mericar

Etc, etc, etc

Then I wrote ‘climbing/weightlifting/yoga’ and tears came to my eyes. Im not kidding. I struck a nerve.

 So why not write about that.

Just writing the word ‘weightlifting’ struck a sensitive cord.  I miss Atticus. I miss that year spent in the gym with him and his passion.. I miss getting stronger and learning new and wondrous things about our bodies and what they are capable of doing. I miss watching him heal others through his knowledge of our bodies and how they work. 

I miss being personally challenged beyond what I thought I was capable of achieving. I miss that boy so much! Losing him was like losing an adopted child. Seriously.  My own kids may not understand this..but when one spends aprox 10 hours a week with someone…exposing weaknesses and vulnerabilities, you get close. I felt like I had become his second mom as well . Spending time with someone who pushes  and cajoles you to get you to do things out of your comfort zone, you build a real bond. This man was a healer and so gifted and passionate about what he did. When he left there was a gaping hole in my heart and in my life. A hole that  is only now, after all these months…a year even..is beginning to heal.  (though I still cry when I write this this morning)  I was a part of something special…and I knew it…every time I walked through his door to the gym I knew it! I should have known better of course. It was too good to be true I suppose.  My personal, one on one training for an hour or more each day…was too good to be true.  But I was so grateful!! Everyday I knew I was blessed and lucky to have found him.  I miss it all. 

So Ive struggled  to find a replacement physical activity. I pray I have found it in “rock’ climbing. Rock is in quotations for I find it slightly humorous that this refers to climbing on plastic grips secured to walls inside a climate controlled building, and outfitted with auto-balays.  I’ll be mostly self -taught though, with a small smattering of helpful tips from the young kids that run the place and with added help and encouragement from Brian And Mericar.  There is no Atticus there…or at least I haven’t met him yet.  There is just no one like that kid.  (he was a beautiful mess and a wonder of a man, and I was greatly blessed to have known him)  May the secret desire that he might return someday drift quietly off into the ceilings of the rock climbing gym. I wish him well in all that the future holds for a talented guy like him, wherever he may be.

So there are My musing for this COLD December morning as I contemplate the yoga class Ill attend this afternoon…as I wait for my toe to heal…so that I may once again don the new climbing shoes my dear Builder bought for me last night. (hes so very supportive and anxious that I do find something to replace the weight lifting gym and the  excitement I had there- bless him!!) My goal—to get all with way up that dang wall!!  I will be storng again!!