Reserving judgement is a matter of infinite hope.
from: The Great Gatsby
by: F. Scott Fitzgerald
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My Builder asked me ..."if you had a magic wand..what would you do...how would you wield it?"
The very first things that came to mind were...
Susan Seeley wouldnt be dead.
God would be 'Heavenly Father' again...
We would own a home....
and travel with the kiddo's.
My Builders back breaking work would pay off.
People in the world would be nice to each other.
I suppose, if I could possibly get item #2 straight in my mind, then maybe the rest of my "magic" would more easily fall into place...
But I cant...
God is unalterable and aloof and domineering. This life is a test. There is no cheating..and no outside help. God rules with an iron fist. It is up to us to make the best with what we are dealt.
There is no magic wand.
Just ones' resolve...
and attitude.
They say that trials will either make ya or break ya...
The jury is still deliberating for me and about me on this one.
And at this juncture it looks as though we are going to take matters into our own hands. At the risk of appearing selfish..wish is highly possible..and dare I say also appearing hopeless...my Builder and I are taking a new tact, we are taking control of our/my happiness.
I am heading South again. With my Builders blessing Im going back to my idea of paradise and hike once again for Desert Cliffs. I am giddy with excitement, and riddled with guilt. Im a mess. I am determined to make the best of what we've been dealt..or with what has befallen us. 2 years in Logan has felt like 4...and its time to switch it up. Im too old to just make do. Bless my GOOD Builder for getting it!!
For those of you who may now be concerned for my eternal welfare...please dont. I give God ALL due credit for ALL the blessings in my life. I do. He is wiser and grander than I can begin to comprehend. I am grateful. But also hardened... and marred by life. A domineering "Father" has been a hard pill for me to swallow right now. So I'll be looking for warmth, sunshine and fitness..both in body and spirit back in Southern Utah!!
Wish us/me luck.
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